So, I've been meaning to put up a new post for a while, I really have (maybe, I can't remember that far back(What? Oh, right, I never specified a time-frame for the wanting of the writing of a new posting...(sh!)))) but I just can't sit down and write, it's not that easy for me, damnit! I mean, I'm not just going to sit down and put out garbage just for a quick laugh. (What? Oh, yea, I do put out garbage, nevermind...) But seriously though, I wish I could just sit down and always have something to write about, I find it very therapeutic to just let out the other half of my schizophrenia come out and play from time to time. So, since we've last spoken, it was May. For the life of me, I have no idea when May was. (You know, other than … good thing I have Asperger (that shit's not funny to joke about) plus 4, carry the 2, divide by zero... uh, 3 months ago...?) I have fallen into this pit of nothingness, a black whole of self-pity and wallowing and other such stuff of the sort, and I don't know how to correct it. No, I'm ain't no gay getting all emotional and other sich weak pussy stuff of the sorts, but I think i'm being honest. For once. To myself. I mean, I'm not bragging at all (totally am, you bitches suck cuz you aint got the shit I do! HAHA! SUCKERS!!!(No, seriously(can I be serious?(IDK)))) but I have really been blessed (not necessarily in the God has provided for me all of these wonderful things kind of way. I mean, I do believe in a higher Being/Power per se, but not quite the image of “God” that the church(es/other denominatorial place things) paints Him out to be, but there is something up there. I mean, fuck, nobody has proven Him to not be there, so according to science and the scientific … uh, theory?, He still technically even exists to science. Funny thing about science, nothing is ever proven true, it just isn't proven false which makes it true. Kinda silly... Yea, that was also my major, and what my degree is all about. A B(ull)S(hit) in Biology. And it is just that, bull shit. Because what the fuck do you do with a science degree? Look at plants, collect bugs, have sex with road-kill, stare into a microscope and watch viruses get it on all day? Or maybe become a nurse and/or doctor and/or something else in the health-care field. Well, sadly, I don't really believe in “health” and “care” in the same sentence, especially the way that it is practiced. It isn't about saving people, well, sure, to an extent I guess it is, but it really isn't. It's a business, a fucking ludicrous, bull-shit business, just like that of the college world. College doesn't really mean shit anymore; the only thing getting a college degree anymore does is no longer allow you to work for a fast food “restaurant” which I wasn't going to do anyway. Oh, it also empties out your pockets. Luckily, I am what some people consider “smart” apparently, yea, I know, I don't see it either, but hey, there's a fool born every minute, so they say! So, I got to go to school without paying for tuition. Hurray! Then, after I went on to Chiro school, well, that wasn't on the, uh, whoever/whatever was paying for my prior schooling, so I have a wee bit of debt from that, nothing major, but debt none-the-less. That's all fine and dandy though, nothing I can't handle with my huge weekly paycheck of $0.00! Oh, right, fuck. Good thing my loan is paid through December 2012 (come on whatever that next thing that is supposed to destroy the planet that's supposed to happen dec '12) and it is deferred even further (I think until March '13 because I took some classes @ the community college round these ways) so IDK if the extra paid off time gets added after March 2013, or whatever, not like it really matters anyway, but yea, fuck! So, yea, what a horrible idea Chiro school was, well, kind of, with the whole money I owe them for “nothing” kinda deal. Also for picking Biology in general as my major. But well, at one time in my life I actually wasn't the cynical asshole whose blog you read every so often, and I actually cared about people and wanted to help them. I know, I know, what was I thinking? Well, I'm not really sure, to be completely honest. (Partly due to the fact that I can't even remember to what the point of this blog was, and i've only been typing for like 20 mins max. A squirrel would beat me in a game of memory for the sake of fuck!) But well, no, kinda, idk. I mean, I was always strong in Math and Science, and well, I wasn't about to be a Mathematician (whatever it is they do, other than add stuff together for fun, which it is!) so I figured I would be a Scientologist. (What? Oh, right, sorry, scientist.) But, when you're like me (aside from crazy) and don't believe in medicine, in general, as a whole, even, possibly, well, your options for helping people are limited. At first I was thinking about doing therapeutic rec or occupational therapy. (I say or because currently don't remember which one, they're practically one in the same anyway!) Both are cool, I guess, in their own right, and I've always been an active dude (until recent, that is, whatever) but I mean, I'm better than that. No, I know, i'm not trying to belittle what they do at all, but honestly, I am. Everyone has a place, and that wasn't for me. So, I reached a little higher, dug a little deeper into my brain. New answer to the question: Chiropractor! Long story short, a chiropractor pretty much “saved” my life. No, I wasn't dying of a neuropraxia, but my back was injured quite badly in an unfortunate turn of events which I will disclose to you now.
It was a warm Summer night, the bees were chirping and the birds were buzzing. Lightning bugs lit up the path to the lake. I had traveled it so many times that I could do it with my eyes closed, but it was a magnificent sight to see even so. You would have loved it! Had I said, “Hey (insert your name here), come meet me at the lake tonight!” Your obvious reply would have been, “But I don't know how to get there.” To which my answer could have been, “Just follow the path set forth by the lightning bugs, they will lead you to me, into my arms.” (I hope you're a hot chic, because if not, that might be slightly homosexual...(also to note, why the fuck are they called lightning bugs?! Seriously, they do not look like lightning at all. Like even the slightest. They are a tiny floating green flashing orb. Maybe gay disco bug or something, not lightning bug. Lightning is so manly and destructive, and lightning bugs are, well, gay as fuck. Yea, I said it, but I know everyone was thinking it, and if you weren't, well you were once I said it. I win!) But, I digress. The air was warm, still and calm, there had been a storm earlier that day which had taken the abrasive humidity with it. I had just received great news earlier in the day, and was feeling absolutely terrific. With my lightened mood, I decided to climb up the hill on the one side of the lake, to where the rope swing was, and swing off over the water, letting go of the rope just past the middle point of the arc. Well, as it turns out, the good news did not affect my luck in any way, and quite possibly made it worse. After applying a heavy layer of moon-screen on my exposed skin, so as to not turn into a werewolf, my hands were too slippery to hold onto the rope! I even climbed to the tree behind the swing, which on a branch halfway up the tree, was a perfect launching point for the swing. I had never been brave enough before to do such a silly thing, and to this day I still wonder why I did it, and have been unable to come up with any logical reason to this day. So, from the middle branch of the tree, I swoop down like a falcon attacking my prey, only to realize that I forgot the rope! I was holding onto a balloon string that had gotten stuck in the tree from the party the night before, and as soon as my legs left the safety of the branch, I knew I was going to be in for a world of hurt. Down I go, straight to the ground, like a bag of bricks, tumbling over and over like a ball rolling down a hill, and I quickly noticed that I was not slowing down one bit. I was actually picking up speed! How is this possible? Why am I not slowing down? What is happening? Is today Tuesday or Wednesday? Never mind, it's Friday. All of these thoughts kept running through my mind until I felt myself soaring, stuck in a free-fall for what felt like an eternity after I rolled off the edge of the cliff. Well, I thought, at least the water will break my fall a little more gently than the rocky terrain of the hill. I could not have been more wrong! As it turns out, there was a group of teenagers drinking on a boat they had stolen from the marina, and were parked, I guess it would be called, anchored possibly, directly underneath the cliff so the noise they made would bounce away from the direction of where the houses on the lake were. I fell flat on my back directly onto the hull of the boat, and the last thing I remember was the sound my body made, apparently Hollywood sound effects are more realistic than I had once thought! I came to, for a brief instance when I heard the teens trying to decide what to do with my body. What to do with my body?! Call 911! But my mouth could not form words, and no matter how hard my brain was screaming it, they could not hear me. Back to darkness. I came to again, as they were pushing my body off of the boat, my brain still unable to force my mouth to do anything, I was helpless. Well, as they were pushing me off, they must have also been reeling the anchor in, to get away and clean up the mess I had made, no doubt, as quickly as possible, because when I finally awoke, I was on my side, floating in thin air, with an anchor going directly through my spine! Long story short, chiropractor. (I'm quite anticlimactic lately... :\)
Real story, not as cool: soccer, tripped from behind, tumbled, ground shook apparently, couldn't move for three days, chiro, success. But whatever, a chiropractor had a huge impact on my life, and I have been going to one ever since, even if I'm not in pain, because it just works. And yea, it's scary at first, but nothing bad is going to happen, I promise you! (Back to wallowing) Okay, well, I wasn't the only one making my mind up as to becoming a chiro, and there were outside factors involved too (3+1 program would get me “out” of undergrad after my 4th yr after swapping majors after 2... yea, smooth as hell moves...) and, everyone around me was pushing me to be the best I could be (shocking they didn't tell me to join the army, or whatever has that slogan). And yea, as I said before, I was selling myself short, going with the premise of biology/science/”medicine” being my focus of study. Looking back, I kind of feel like I really didn't actually make that decision, but it was made for me. I also think my life hasn't been my own, i've been too worried trying to please other people and do what they think is right. Well, i'm sick of it. It's my fucking life, and I'm going to take control of it starting.... sometime. I have no money to go out on my own, no job, and no real “skills” (unless awesomeness is a skill that is useful in the workplace). And realizing this is just making me feel like a bigger bag of shit than my as-of-late-depressed-self has been, sw33t, so I'm going to leave this here. Lesson learned: put yourself first, listen to others with more knowledge, but in the end, it is your life. People can try and guide you, but don't follow their advice, listen to it, think about it, and realize whether or not it's what you want for you, not to make others happy. You only get one life, have fun, and live it how you want to, don't worry about what other people think/say.
Peace!
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