So, I've been meaning to put up a new post for a while, I really have (maybe, I can't remember that far back(What? Oh, right, I never specified a time-frame for the wanting of the writing of a new posting...(sh!)))) but I just can't sit down and write, it's not that easy for me, damnit! I mean, I'm not just going to sit down and put out garbage just for a quick laugh. (What? Oh, yea, I do put out garbage, nevermind...) But seriously though, I wish I could just sit down and always have something to write about, I find it very therapeutic to just let out the other half of my schizophrenia come out and play from time to time. So, since we've last spoken, it was May. For the life of me, I have no idea when May was. (You know, other than … good thing I have Asperger (that shit's not funny to joke about) plus 4, carry the 2, divide by zero... uh, 3 months ago...?) I have fallen into this pit of nothingness, a black whole of self-pity and wallowing and other such stuff of the sort, and I don't know how to correct it. No, I'm ain't no gay getting all emotional and other sich weak pussy stuff of the sorts, but I think i'm being honest. For once. To myself. I mean, I'm not bragging at all (totally am, you bitches suck cuz you aint got the shit I do! HAHA! SUCKERS!!!(No, seriously(can I be serious?(IDK)))) but I have really been blessed (not necessarily in the God has provided for me all of these wonderful things kind of way. I mean, I do believe in a higher Being/Power per se, but not quite the image of “God” that the church(es/other denominatorial place things) paints Him out to be, but there is something up there. I mean, fuck, nobody has proven Him to not be there, so according to science and the scientific … uh, theory?, He still technically even exists to science. Funny thing about science, nothing is ever proven true, it just isn't proven false which makes it true. Kinda silly... Yea, that was also my major, and what my degree is all about. A B(ull)S(hit) in Biology. And it is just that, bull shit. Because what the fuck do you do with a science degree? Look at plants, collect bugs, have sex with road-kill, stare into a microscope and watch viruses get it on all day? Or maybe become a nurse and/or doctor and/or something else in the health-care field. Well, sadly, I don't really believe in “health” and “care” in the same sentence, especially the way that it is practiced. It isn't about saving people, well, sure, to an extent I guess it is, but it really isn't. It's a business, a fucking ludicrous, bull-shit business, just like that of the college world. College doesn't really mean shit anymore; the only thing getting a college degree anymore does is no longer allow you to work for a fast food “restaurant” which I wasn't going to do anyway. Oh, it also empties out your pockets. Luckily, I am what some people consider “smart” apparently, yea, I know, I don't see it either, but hey, there's a fool born every minute, so they say! So, I got to go to school without paying for tuition. Hurray! Then, after I went on to Chiro school, well, that wasn't on the, uh, whoever/whatever was paying for my prior schooling, so I have a wee bit of debt from that, nothing major, but debt none-the-less. That's all fine and dandy though, nothing I can't handle with my huge weekly paycheck of $0.00! Oh, right, fuck. Good thing my loan is paid through December 2012 (come on whatever that next thing that is supposed to destroy the planet that's supposed to happen dec '12) and it is deferred even further (I think until March '13 because I took some classes @ the community college round these ways) so IDK if the extra paid off time gets added after March 2013, or whatever, not like it really matters anyway, but yea, fuck! So, yea, what a horrible idea Chiro school was, well, kind of, with the whole money I owe them for “nothing” kinda deal. Also for picking Biology in general as my major. But well, at one time in my life I actually wasn't the cynical asshole whose blog you read every so often, and I actually cared about people and wanted to help them. I know, I know, what was I thinking? Well, I'm not really sure, to be completely honest. (Partly due to the fact that I can't even remember to what the point of this blog was, and i've only been typing for like 20 mins max. A squirrel would beat me in a game of memory for the sake of fuck!) But well, no, kinda, idk. I mean, I was always strong in Math and Science, and well, I wasn't about to be a Mathematician (whatever it is they do, other than add stuff together for fun, which it is!) so I figured I would be a Scientologist. (What? Oh, right, sorry, scientist.) But, when you're like me (aside from crazy) and don't believe in medicine, in general, as a whole, even, possibly, well, your options for helping people are limited. At first I was thinking about doing therapeutic rec or occupational therapy. (I say or because currently don't remember which one, they're practically one in the same anyway!) Both are cool, I guess, in their own right, and I've always been an active dude (until recent, that is, whatever) but I mean, I'm better than that. No, I know, i'm not trying to belittle what they do at all, but honestly, I am. Everyone has a place, and that wasn't for me. So, I reached a little higher, dug a little deeper into my brain. New answer to the question: Chiropractor! Long story short, a chiropractor pretty much “saved” my life. No, I wasn't dying of a neuropraxia, but my back was injured quite badly in an unfortunate turn of events which I will disclose to you now.
It was a warm Summer night, the bees were chirping and the birds were buzzing. Lightning bugs lit up the path to the lake. I had traveled it so many times that I could do it with my eyes closed, but it was a magnificent sight to see even so. You would have loved it! Had I said, “Hey (insert your name here), come meet me at the lake tonight!” Your obvious reply would have been, “But I don't know how to get there.” To which my answer could have been, “Just follow the path set forth by the lightning bugs, they will lead you to me, into my arms.” (I hope you're a hot chic, because if not, that might be slightly homosexual...(also to note, why the fuck are they called lightning bugs?! Seriously, they do not look like lightning at all. Like even the slightest. They are a tiny floating green flashing orb. Maybe gay disco bug or something, not lightning bug. Lightning is so manly and destructive, and lightning bugs are, well, gay as fuck. Yea, I said it, but I know everyone was thinking it, and if you weren't, well you were once I said it. I win!) But, I digress. The air was warm, still and calm, there had been a storm earlier that day which had taken the abrasive humidity with it. I had just received great news earlier in the day, and was feeling absolutely terrific. With my lightened mood, I decided to climb up the hill on the one side of the lake, to where the rope swing was, and swing off over the water, letting go of the rope just past the middle point of the arc. Well, as it turns out, the good news did not affect my luck in any way, and quite possibly made it worse. After applying a heavy layer of moon-screen on my exposed skin, so as to not turn into a werewolf, my hands were too slippery to hold onto the rope! I even climbed to the tree behind the swing, which on a branch halfway up the tree, was a perfect launching point for the swing. I had never been brave enough before to do such a silly thing, and to this day I still wonder why I did it, and have been unable to come up with any logical reason to this day. So, from the middle branch of the tree, I swoop down like a falcon attacking my prey, only to realize that I forgot the rope! I was holding onto a balloon string that had gotten stuck in the tree from the party the night before, and as soon as my legs left the safety of the branch, I knew I was going to be in for a world of hurt. Down I go, straight to the ground, like a bag of bricks, tumbling over and over like a ball rolling down a hill, and I quickly noticed that I was not slowing down one bit. I was actually picking up speed! How is this possible? Why am I not slowing down? What is happening? Is today Tuesday or Wednesday? Never mind, it's Friday. All of these thoughts kept running through my mind until I felt myself soaring, stuck in a free-fall for what felt like an eternity after I rolled off the edge of the cliff. Well, I thought, at least the water will break my fall a little more gently than the rocky terrain of the hill. I could not have been more wrong! As it turns out, there was a group of teenagers drinking on a boat they had stolen from the marina, and were parked, I guess it would be called, anchored possibly, directly underneath the cliff so the noise they made would bounce away from the direction of where the houses on the lake were. I fell flat on my back directly onto the hull of the boat, and the last thing I remember was the sound my body made, apparently Hollywood sound effects are more realistic than I had once thought! I came to, for a brief instance when I heard the teens trying to decide what to do with my body. What to do with my body?! Call 911! But my mouth could not form words, and no matter how hard my brain was screaming it, they could not hear me. Back to darkness. I came to again, as they were pushing my body off of the boat, my brain still unable to force my mouth to do anything, I was helpless. Well, as they were pushing me off, they must have also been reeling the anchor in, to get away and clean up the mess I had made, no doubt, as quickly as possible, because when I finally awoke, I was on my side, floating in thin air, with an anchor going directly through my spine! Long story short, chiropractor. (I'm quite anticlimactic lately... :\)
Real story, not as cool: soccer, tripped from behind, tumbled, ground shook apparently, couldn't move for three days, chiro, success. But whatever, a chiropractor had a huge impact on my life, and I have been going to one ever since, even if I'm not in pain, because it just works. And yea, it's scary at first, but nothing bad is going to happen, I promise you! (Back to wallowing) Okay, well, I wasn't the only one making my mind up as to becoming a chiro, and there were outside factors involved too (3+1 program would get me “out” of undergrad after my 4th yr after swapping majors after 2... yea, smooth as hell moves...) and, everyone around me was pushing me to be the best I could be (shocking they didn't tell me to join the army, or whatever has that slogan). And yea, as I said before, I was selling myself short, going with the premise of biology/science/”medicine” being my focus of study. Looking back, I kind of feel like I really didn't actually make that decision, but it was made for me. I also think my life hasn't been my own, i've been too worried trying to please other people and do what they think is right. Well, i'm sick of it. It's my fucking life, and I'm going to take control of it starting.... sometime. I have no money to go out on my own, no job, and no real “skills” (unless awesomeness is a skill that is useful in the workplace). And realizing this is just making me feel like a bigger bag of shit than my as-of-late-depressed-self has been, sw33t, so I'm going to leave this here. Lesson learned: put yourself first, listen to others with more knowledge, but in the end, it is your life. People can try and guide you, but don't follow their advice, listen to it, think about it, and realize whether or not it's what you want for you, not to make others happy. You only get one life, have fun, and live it how you want to, don't worry about what other people think/say.
Peace!
essdot
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Use you brain, that's why you have one!
I'll give you this first, because it's huge, drawn-out, and boring. Unless you find arbitrary information about cell phones interesting and/or have a hatred for Apple as I do.
TL;DR
just because two things happen at the same time doesn't mean they are related
I hate Apple, I hate idiots, and the two seem to find each other
I've officially had enough, I'm beyond mad, and I only (partially) have myself to blame. Apple is slowly falling out of the spotlight, and I'm actually slightly concerned about this. Okay, slightly may be a bit of an understatement, and well, they haven't actually fallen out of anything because of irrelevant posts made in order to further hype up a dying fad. Yes, the iPhone is a fad, I said it, but I digress. I have myself to partially blame, because I was scrolling through Pulse and saw the article again, and wanted to shoot someone, a lot. Recently, Wednesday, August 17, a site on the top of my 54!7 list (why do I even bother going there anymore, seriously?), AppleInsider (the same site that included iPads in its “study” to make Apple out to be the “Top Mobile PC Vendor”... yes, iPad is apparently a portable computer, now... ), posted an article stating Verizon's market share of Android phones in the United States is “down dramatically” following the iPhone 4 launch. It goes on to further state that this “dramatic” “erosion” is due to the fact that the iPhone is now available on Verizon. A study that compares every Android phone (only!) based on ad views and categorizes the total Android phones based on carrier to show which U.S. carrier has what percentage of the Android sales/usage/market in America. How can this study of only Android phones say anything about the iPhone? An excellent question! You must go further, and take two more irrelevant pieces of information into account for this to even slightly start to make sense, which it still fails to do, if you have one-fifth of one half of a brain. Irrelevant info 1: Verizon finally launched its iPhone in February of this year. Irrelevant info 2: Verizon, according to ad views and this Chitika whatever, currently has ~24% of the U.S. iPhone market share. While we're at it, I'll add something for you, because well, it actually is relevant. Verizon launched the pre-order for the iPhone 4 at midnight on February 3, 2011, via online sales. I was there, and I was one of the idiots that stayed up late to pre-order the device to get it before it was available in stores, the following week. So, the first study by Chitika (I apologize if I make it the banana company by the end of the post, you'll understand, I hope...) was done at the end of March, arguably two months after the iPhone was released on Verizon, and Verizon had 51.418% of all the Android phones in the United States activated on its network. Another interesting fact: online pre-orders were apparently ridiculous for the iPhone, and in-store sales were less than stellar. On February 23rd, Chitika released a statement saying that after (the iPhone) being on Verizon for two weeks, Android's overall impressions across Chitika's network had actually risen! (spoiler alert: 500,000+ activations daily will do that. Yes, worldwide vs. U.S., but still...) (The article from feb) However interesting, this has little to do with the topic at hand, but still interesting none-the-less. But, further into the article, the end result is that the vPhone is taking away from everthing BUT Android; i.e. webOS (RIP), Blackberry, Windows Phone 7 (somehow, not really sure about that one) and the AT&T iPhone. Back to the point at hand: Verizon's U.S. share of the Android market has dropped since the iPhone came to Verizon. Before the iPhone was released on Verizon, AT&T didn't have to do anything to sell phones, and once Verizon was to offer this phone, they had to do something. Please, do tell me ONE Android phone on AT&T that was worth buying before February. I'll tell me for you; you can't. Another thing to keep in mind: Sprint and T-Mobile's share of the Android market in the U.S. has stayed the same, so we will ignore them for this discussion. Note (whatever I'm up to): US Cellular, MetroPCS, and Virgin Mobile had ~%2.5 of all US Android phones in March and are now up to 8.4%, including whatever other carriers are out there besides the big 4, but I can't really remember any phone they would have had, I assume it to be a variant of the Samsung Galaxy line, possibly an HTC desire, an even possibly the LG Optimus, although I'm not really sure when that came out. All of these other now dime-a-dozen $50 all-you-can-eat pre-paid plans which are now popular due to the fact that money is very tight for many people have added decent Android phones to their arsenals and are now advertising to that fact. Why would cheap cell phone plans take some of the wind away from arguably the most expensive plans in the country? OK, OK, I get it, all of my focus thus far has been on negating the veracity of the ridiculousness that is that post, but what about the other side? Am I stating with 100% certaintude that the iPhone has taken ZERO customers away from Android? No, not at all, I'm sure that people who had an Android phone have since gone to the iPhone because they do not like, understand, or easily use Android. And this next thought can go both ways (I guess it's bithoughtual); think about the popular Android phones on big V. Think about which ones are/were popular. The original adopters were going for the OG, November 2009, which means they are due for an NE2 (their last, at that, f'ing scumbags at Verizon) and I'm sure some of them have switched over to iOS. Next up, we have all of last Summer, a huge time for Android on Verizon. The Incredible, the X, the D2, the Fascinate, all HUGE phones. They are not due for an upgrade any time soon, well, maybe some with their last yearly upgrade on a primary line, but for the most part, I don't think anybody really knows about and/or uses that perk, so we'll call that non-existent(that and it no longer exists any more, but these people last Summer would be able to enjoy this “perk” one more time). Many people are not due for an upgrade, so I'm sure many people, instead of paying 600-700 smackeroos for a shiny new iPhone, are waiting out their stay with Android until they can get it at that sweet, sweet discounted price of 200-300$, right before and around next Summer. Apparently normal people keep the phone they get until they are due for an upgrade, silly people. So the only POSSIBLE way that anyone could be leaving a Verizon Android to go to iOS is if A) they had an OG Droid or B) they are paying full retail for an iPhone. Neither seems too likely, the breakdown: A) after 2 years with something, you get it, and if you get Android, you love it. B) I'm the only person on Earth that cares that much about phones that I buy a new one whenever a shinier one comes out (I've had the Storm, Evo, Glyde (?), Droid 2, iPhone, Incredible, and Revolution all in the past 12 months...and I can't wait until HOPEFULLY the Nexus phone finally comes to Verizon, hopefully). Next possibility, not necessarily leaving Android for iPhone, but going with iPhone over Android now that they have the option. Okay, possible, smartphones are more and more popular, and everyone is getting one. If there were no iPhone, people would be more than likely to grab an Android phone (WP7's only verizon offering is garbage, webOS isn't a contender, really, and well, Blackberry, lulz), but that isn't really taking away from Android, as the article implies. These massive increases to the ViPhone's army could be mostly first time smartphone buyers technically taking away from the Android user base, but again, not leaving as implied. A question for you; just because Verizon's overall percent is down, does that mean that the total number of users isn't up? We're just working off of percentages here, no numbers to show one way or the other. Isn't it logical to assume that this is a possibility? Not if you're trying to spin the Apple Hype Machine. I mean, logically, take 3 seconds to think, could all providers theoretically be up, just Verizon not growing as much as the others? But then you have the whole weird T-Mob and Sprint staying at about the same number, which makes that weird, but still possible.
Lets wrap this up, for I grow tired of this discussion:
Am I saying that not a single one person has left a Verizon branded Android device for a Verizon branded iPhone? Not in the slightest. What I am saying is that people need to stop allowing people to feed them information, and when told something, step back, and think about it for 5 seconds. You have a brain, use it. This is probably the reason why iOS is so popular, because people don't know how to use their brains, and well, luckily you don't need one to operate iOS. Kind of anti-climactic, isn't it? I had it all planned out to be all “POW!” but it didn't seem to come to that, because, common sense and knowledge are rarely exciting. You don't have to agree with me, it's my opinion based on the larger picture, just please, promise me you'll use your brain next time...
peace kiddies
SMIL
TL;DR
just because two things happen at the same time doesn't mean they are related
I hate Apple, I hate idiots, and the two seem to find each other
I've officially had enough, I'm beyond mad, and I only (partially) have myself to blame. Apple is slowly falling out of the spotlight, and I'm actually slightly concerned about this. Okay, slightly may be a bit of an understatement, and well, they haven't actually fallen out of anything because of irrelevant posts made in order to further hype up a dying fad. Yes, the iPhone is a fad, I said it, but I digress. I have myself to partially blame, because I was scrolling through Pulse and saw the article again, and wanted to shoot someone, a lot. Recently, Wednesday, August 17, a site on the top of my 54!7 list (why do I even bother going there anymore, seriously?), AppleInsider (the same site that included iPads in its “study” to make Apple out to be the “Top Mobile PC Vendor”... yes, iPad is apparently a portable computer, now... ), posted an article stating Verizon's market share of Android phones in the United States is “down dramatically” following the iPhone 4 launch. It goes on to further state that this “dramatic” “erosion” is due to the fact that the iPhone is now available on Verizon. A study that compares every Android phone (only!) based on ad views and categorizes the total Android phones based on carrier to show which U.S. carrier has what percentage of the Android sales/usage/market in America. How can this study of only Android phones say anything about the iPhone? An excellent question! You must go further, and take two more irrelevant pieces of information into account for this to even slightly start to make sense, which it still fails to do, if you have one-fifth of one half of a brain. Irrelevant info 1: Verizon finally launched its iPhone in February of this year. Irrelevant info 2: Verizon, according to ad views and this Chitika whatever, currently has ~24% of the U.S. iPhone market share. While we're at it, I'll add something for you, because well, it actually is relevant. Verizon launched the pre-order for the iPhone 4 at midnight on February 3, 2011, via online sales. I was there, and I was one of the idiots that stayed up late to pre-order the device to get it before it was available in stores, the following week. So, the first study by Chitika (I apologize if I make it the banana company by the end of the post, you'll understand, I hope...) was done at the end of March, arguably two months after the iPhone was released on Verizon, and Verizon had 51.418% of all the Android phones in the United States activated on its network. Another interesting fact: online pre-orders were apparently ridiculous for the iPhone, and in-store sales were less than stellar. On February 23rd, Chitika released a statement saying that after (the iPhone) being on Verizon for two weeks, Android's overall impressions across Chitika's network had actually risen! (spoiler alert: 500,000+ activations daily will do that. Yes, worldwide vs. U.S., but still...) (The article from feb) However interesting, this has little to do with the topic at hand, but still interesting none-the-less. But, further into the article, the end result is that the vPhone is taking away from everthing BUT Android; i.e. webOS (RIP), Blackberry, Windows Phone 7 (somehow, not really sure about that one) and the AT&T iPhone. Back to the point at hand: Verizon's U.S. share of the Android market has dropped since the iPhone came to Verizon. Before the iPhone was released on Verizon, AT&T didn't have to do anything to sell phones, and once Verizon was to offer this phone, they had to do something. Please, do tell me ONE Android phone on AT&T that was worth buying before February. I'll tell me for you; you can't. Another thing to keep in mind: Sprint and T-Mobile's share of the Android market in the U.S. has stayed the same, so we will ignore them for this discussion. Note (whatever I'm up to): US Cellular, MetroPCS, and Virgin Mobile had ~%2.5 of all US Android phones in March and are now up to 8.4%, including whatever other carriers are out there besides the big 4, but I can't really remember any phone they would have had, I assume it to be a variant of the Samsung Galaxy line, possibly an HTC desire, an even possibly the LG Optimus, although I'm not really sure when that came out. All of these other now dime-a-dozen $50 all-you-can-eat pre-paid plans which are now popular due to the fact that money is very tight for many people have added decent Android phones to their arsenals and are now advertising to that fact. Why would cheap cell phone plans take some of the wind away from arguably the most expensive plans in the country? OK, OK, I get it, all of my focus thus far has been on negating the veracity of the ridiculousness that is that post, but what about the other side? Am I stating with 100% certaintude that the iPhone has taken ZERO customers away from Android? No, not at all, I'm sure that people who had an Android phone have since gone to the iPhone because they do not like, understand, or easily use Android. And this next thought can go both ways (I guess it's bithoughtual); think about the popular Android phones on big V. Think about which ones are/were popular. The original adopters were going for the OG, November 2009, which means they are due for an NE2 (their last, at that, f'ing scumbags at Verizon) and I'm sure some of them have switched over to iOS. Next up, we have all of last Summer, a huge time for Android on Verizon. The Incredible, the X, the D2, the Fascinate, all HUGE phones. They are not due for an upgrade any time soon, well, maybe some with their last yearly upgrade on a primary line, but for the most part, I don't think anybody really knows about and/or uses that perk, so we'll call that non-existent(that and it no longer exists any more, but these people last Summer would be able to enjoy this “perk” one more time). Many people are not due for an upgrade, so I'm sure many people, instead of paying 600-700 smackeroos for a shiny new iPhone, are waiting out their stay with Android until they can get it at that sweet, sweet discounted price of 200-300$, right before and around next Summer. Apparently normal people keep the phone they get until they are due for an upgrade, silly people. So the only POSSIBLE way that anyone could be leaving a Verizon Android to go to iOS is if A) they had an OG Droid or B) they are paying full retail for an iPhone. Neither seems too likely, the breakdown: A) after 2 years with something, you get it, and if you get Android, you love it. B) I'm the only person on Earth that cares that much about phones that I buy a new one whenever a shinier one comes out (I've had the Storm, Evo, Glyde (?), Droid 2, iPhone, Incredible, and Revolution all in the past 12 months...and I can't wait until HOPEFULLY the Nexus phone finally comes to Verizon, hopefully). Next possibility, not necessarily leaving Android for iPhone, but going with iPhone over Android now that they have the option. Okay, possible, smartphones are more and more popular, and everyone is getting one. If there were no iPhone, people would be more than likely to grab an Android phone (WP7's only verizon offering is garbage, webOS isn't a contender, really, and well, Blackberry, lulz), but that isn't really taking away from Android, as the article implies. These massive increases to the ViPhone's army could be mostly first time smartphone buyers technically taking away from the Android user base, but again, not leaving as implied. A question for you; just because Verizon's overall percent is down, does that mean that the total number of users isn't up? We're just working off of percentages here, no numbers to show one way or the other. Isn't it logical to assume that this is a possibility? Not if you're trying to spin the Apple Hype Machine. I mean, logically, take 3 seconds to think, could all providers theoretically be up, just Verizon not growing as much as the others? But then you have the whole weird T-Mob and Sprint staying at about the same number, which makes that weird, but still possible.
Lets wrap this up, for I grow tired of this discussion:
Am I saying that not a single one person has left a Verizon branded Android device for a Verizon branded iPhone? Not in the slightest. What I am saying is that people need to stop allowing people to feed them information, and when told something, step back, and think about it for 5 seconds. You have a brain, use it. This is probably the reason why iOS is so popular, because people don't know how to use their brains, and well, luckily you don't need one to operate iOS. Kind of anti-climactic, isn't it? I had it all planned out to be all “POW!” but it didn't seem to come to that, because, common sense and knowledge are rarely exciting. You don't have to agree with me, it's my opinion based on the larger picture, just please, promise me you'll use your brain next time...
peace kiddies
SMIL
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
U.S.A.!
Preface: Two links are embedded in the text throughout, click both, enjoy.
So, it has been quite some time since I've sat down at my computer (no it hasn't, actually, I'm pretty much on it every day(wait, thinking about it, how does one “sit down” “at” anything?(am I just silly for thinking that?(I think I am(well, anyway, fuck you(you know what I meant, whether or not I know what I meant...))))))) (Also, once again, don't actually care to count how many parenthesis (parentesi?(does that word work like dice?)) are needed there, so, you can count and get back to me and I won't do shit about it :] ) and written anything for my “blog,” if it could even be called that. More like, uh, I swear I had something for that... (Archer anyone?) But in all honesty, I didn't have shit for it, because, if you couldn't tell from my lack of writing, that I'm just not that damn creative! And to steal something from Archer, to cover up the fact that I didn't have shit to say? Well, I think you get the picture, and if you don't, um, maybe check your spam mail folder. But at least I came clean and let you fuckers know whatever it was that I let you know, because i'm that awesome! Also to note, sorry in advance, but OpenOffice currently isn't spell-checking (maybe I just have to turn it on(well, more-so spell-correcting(auto-correcting?(whatever)))) so, all of these mistakes you see, I didn't do them, my document creator/editor didn't undo them. Hence, not my fault, technology's... :p (yes, I just threw an “emoticon” into a “blog” entry...(blog...(haha(idk y that word is funny, but it is.(ok?(Shit!)))))) So anyway, a quick recap of what i've been up to since we've last spoken. Well, since you've last “listened” (with your eyes, maybe) to what i've rambled about (non-sense and bull-shit). I wonder when my last post even was, time for me to go check. I'll brb. (hope this isn't a horror movie, bc I may die for saying that... Good thing I'm a virgin tho, so that evens it out right? I mean honestly, who would want to have sex with me?! A three-week-old embryo has a more developed brain than I do for fuck's sake(for the sake of fuck(fitting that “saying(?)” should go there...))) Anyway, insert elevator music.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. So, I didn't actually leave yet, forgot I had to actually go and check when the last post I put up was, so re-insert (lol) elevator music now~! Sorry that took so long, I saw something shiny and got distracted. Also, something awesome happened. I just forget what it was. Maybe i'll remember (make something up) later. Alright so, holy shit, it has been way too long since i've written a post! Why have none of you yelled at me to get back on my grind!?!? Do I mean that little to you?! Meh, I mean that little to me too, it's all good. Still friends? Sweet :) Anyway, so June 23, 2010 was my last post. Wow. I don't even remember that far ago, seriously. Not a fucking clue when that even was. No, you douche, I understand what a date means, I was saying that I don't remember when-abouts in my life happenings that was. Let My People Go!!!!! Everybody go to amazon.com and download Pharoah Monch – Let My People Go. It's free, and a negro spiritual, and did I mention that it doesn't cost anything? Just checkin, calm the EFF down mang! Speaking of songs, I don't remember when, exactly, but I hear this one song not too long ago, and for the life of me cannot figure out what the fuck it is!!! You would think it would be mad easy (,yo ;]) to find the name of a song with the recent invention of the OH MY GOD THESE GLADE GARBAGE BAGS SMELL AMAZING Internetz that stuff like this would be easy to do, but nope! Fucking gay-holes. Kinda like an a-hole, but with AIDS, because if the 80s taught us anything, it's that only gay people get AIDS. Too soon? Or was that the 70s? Maybe even the 60s...? Wish there were some way to check on this, because I am oh-so-worried about being PuC. No, dumbass, not personal computer, although that would be sweet if I were a computer, politically un-correct. Yes, that is(n't) the actual term, I checked on such amazingly truthful sites as Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary. (I really didn't, but if you want, I will go and add them to both so my previous story holds water, was just hoping nobody would go checking my sources...(lazy, this guy)) but seriously, so I recorded it onto my phone, which sounds GOD-AWFUL (ps) and uploaded it to my dropbox for you to DL and find for me. In return, I will repay you with seven Internetz! Seriously, I know you don't actually care, and it's not really the coolest song ever, i'll be the third person to admit it, but c'mon! I mean, seriously, honestly sounds like CeeLo in the “hook” or “chorus” or whatever black people be callin it dese days, yo, word, homie. Also to note, Guinness is delicious. But seriously, its in 3GPP format, whatever that means, and only seems to wanna work in QuickTime, so if you don't have that, don't make an excuse, I told you how to listen to it, so DL it and find it, and get back to me! And tell me if you think the next song was Men In Black, because I totes think it was. Lulz, for real tho, 100.
DL LINK
So, where was I? Right, June 2010. Wait, that isn't a location, that's a date, so... Wrong! Where was I in June 2010? Damnit, Guinness + fridge = so far away... ugh. Wow, holy sheeple, Batman, where the fuck has the past year (yea, I know, almost year, I got it...) gone?! And I'm almost certain when I say that I have not accomplished a one single thing in the past ~10 months. How truly depressing, really. I need to do something, anything, open to suggestions! Hmmm... Let's see. I beat Assassin's Creed II (at 89% done, not gonna finish looking for all the little BS, such as finding 55 more feathers throughout 8 million miles of old Italy, along with treasure boxes and the likes), I got a Netflix account (not really an accomplishment, but that's how deep I have to dig...) Which, by the way, is awesome! All of the god-awful, how-were-they-ever-made movies that are just so bad that you have to like them... Horrible movies are by far the best movies ever! Latest, greatest movie ever being: Someone's Knocking at the Door.
Please watch the trailer and tell me you don't want to watch it... I'll wait...
Fucking brilliant, awesome, amazing, all that is good, etc ad infinitum. Please go out and watch it, tell all your friends, because I need whoever wrote that to make about 1 million more movies to make my life complete! Please, seriously, watch this movie! And any other awesome(ly terrible) movie suggestions, please send them my way. I plowed a lot over the winter, pops Dled a virus onto his computer and I had to re-enter a whole years worth of data for both of his businesses which took probably 20 something hours, not fun at all, speaking of which, I should prob get on the continuing of the doing of that... and other than the random assortment of live professional sporting events, OH MY GOD! SPEAKING OF WHICH, OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!! No, that's not actually a sport, don't know how it would be, but, well, also, I don't want to get into this whole “WOO HE'S DEAD!” stuff. Yea, I guess, he got what he deserved, and that's cool and all, but, I don't think that it is something to get excited about, and it's horrible, meh. Something about wishing/praising someone's death and “Karma.” But my writings ain't about none a that there pussy intergalactic space travel, interdimensionary intertwinement of all spirits as one, and it definitely isn't no ding-dang-dong political mumbo-jumbo so that will be the end of that garbage. But, yea, no, so Osamabama, sports eventing, hmmmm... Oh right! May 1st, whence we all found out about dude dying, and if you were watching the Mets Phillies game, you would have heard the USA chant... Franco Unamerican (aka Francis Hadley, my bros friend, even tho he was in my grade... yea, answer me that one... lol) started that m'f chant, in the asshole section, 302. And yes, i'm proud of that fact. Haha. Awesome. I'm tired, and I feel like I should leave you with something to do/read, so i'll leave this here, hopefully I find some inspiration and can write about something and make it better soon. Peace outs.
So, it has been quite some time since I've sat down at my computer (no it hasn't, actually, I'm pretty much on it every day(wait, thinking about it, how does one “sit down” “at” anything?(am I just silly for thinking that?(I think I am(well, anyway, fuck you(you know what I meant, whether or not I know what I meant...))))))) (Also, once again, don't actually care to count how many parenthesis (parentesi?(does that word work like dice?)) are needed there, so, you can count and get back to me and I won't do shit about it :] ) and written anything for my “blog,” if it could even be called that. More like, uh, I swear I had something for that... (Archer anyone?) But in all honesty, I didn't have shit for it, because, if you couldn't tell from my lack of writing, that I'm just not that damn creative! And to steal something from Archer, to cover up the fact that I didn't have shit to say? Well, I think you get the picture, and if you don't, um, maybe check your spam mail folder. But at least I came clean and let you fuckers know whatever it was that I let you know, because i'm that awesome! Also to note, sorry in advance, but OpenOffice currently isn't spell-checking (maybe I just have to turn it on(well, more-so spell-correcting(auto-correcting?(whatever)))) so, all of these mistakes you see, I didn't do them, my document creator/editor didn't undo them. Hence, not my fault, technology's... :p (yes, I just threw an “emoticon” into a “blog” entry...(blog...(haha(idk y that word is funny, but it is.(ok?(Shit!)))))) So anyway, a quick recap of what i've been up to since we've last spoken. Well, since you've last “listened” (with your eyes, maybe) to what i've rambled about (non-sense and bull-shit). I wonder when my last post even was, time for me to go check. I'll brb. (hope this isn't a horror movie, bc I may die for saying that... Good thing I'm a virgin tho, so that evens it out right? I mean honestly, who would want to have sex with me?! A three-week-old embryo has a more developed brain than I do for fuck's sake(for the sake of fuck(fitting that “saying(?)” should go there...))) Anyway, insert elevator music.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................. So, I didn't actually leave yet, forgot I had to actually go and check when the last post I put up was, so re-insert (lol) elevator music now~! Sorry that took so long, I saw something shiny and got distracted. Also, something awesome happened. I just forget what it was. Maybe i'll remember (make something up) later. Alright so, holy shit, it has been way too long since i've written a post! Why have none of you yelled at me to get back on my grind!?!? Do I mean that little to you?! Meh, I mean that little to me too, it's all good. Still friends? Sweet :) Anyway, so June 23, 2010 was my last post. Wow. I don't even remember that far ago, seriously. Not a fucking clue when that even was. No, you douche, I understand what a date means, I was saying that I don't remember when-abouts in my life happenings that was. Let My People Go!!!!! Everybody go to amazon.com and download Pharoah Monch – Let My People Go. It's free, and a negro spiritual, and did I mention that it doesn't cost anything? Just checkin, calm the EFF down mang! Speaking of songs, I don't remember when, exactly, but I hear this one song not too long ago, and for the life of me cannot figure out what the fuck it is!!! You would think it would be mad easy (,yo ;]) to find the name of a song with the recent invention of the OH MY GOD THESE GLADE GARBAGE BAGS SMELL AMAZING Internetz that stuff like this would be easy to do, but nope! Fucking gay-holes. Kinda like an a-hole, but with AIDS, because if the 80s taught us anything, it's that only gay people get AIDS. Too soon? Or was that the 70s? Maybe even the 60s...? Wish there were some way to check on this, because I am oh-so-worried about being PuC. No, dumbass, not personal computer, although that would be sweet if I were a computer, politically un-correct. Yes, that is(n't) the actual term, I checked on such amazingly truthful sites as Wikipedia and Urban Dictionary. (I really didn't, but if you want, I will go and add them to both so my previous story holds water, was just hoping nobody would go checking my sources...(lazy, this guy)) but seriously, so I recorded it onto my phone, which sounds GOD-AWFUL (ps) and uploaded it to my dropbox for you to DL and find for me. In return, I will repay you with seven Internetz! Seriously, I know you don't actually care, and it's not really the coolest song ever, i'll be the third person to admit it, but c'mon! I mean, seriously, honestly sounds like CeeLo in the “hook” or “chorus” or whatever black people be callin it dese days, yo, word, homie. Also to note, Guinness is delicious. But seriously, its in 3GPP format, whatever that means, and only seems to wanna work in QuickTime, so if you don't have that, don't make an excuse, I told you how to listen to it, so DL it and find it, and get back to me! And tell me if you think the next song was Men In Black, because I totes think it was. Lulz, for real tho, 100.
DL LINK
So, where was I? Right, June 2010. Wait, that isn't a location, that's a date, so... Wrong! Where was I in June 2010? Damnit, Guinness + fridge = so far away... ugh. Wow, holy sheeple, Batman, where the fuck has the past year (yea, I know, almost year, I got it...) gone?! And I'm almost certain when I say that I have not accomplished a one single thing in the past ~10 months. How truly depressing, really. I need to do something, anything, open to suggestions! Hmmm... Let's see. I beat Assassin's Creed II (at 89% done, not gonna finish looking for all the little BS, such as finding 55 more feathers throughout 8 million miles of old Italy, along with treasure boxes and the likes), I got a Netflix account (not really an accomplishment, but that's how deep I have to dig...) Which, by the way, is awesome! All of the god-awful, how-were-they-ever-made movies that are just so bad that you have to like them... Horrible movies are by far the best movies ever! Latest, greatest movie ever being: Someone's Knocking at the Door.
Please watch the trailer and tell me you don't want to watch it... I'll wait...
Fucking brilliant, awesome, amazing, all that is good, etc ad infinitum. Please go out and watch it, tell all your friends, because I need whoever wrote that to make about 1 million more movies to make my life complete! Please, seriously, watch this movie! And any other awesome(ly terrible) movie suggestions, please send them my way. I plowed a lot over the winter, pops Dled a virus onto his computer and I had to re-enter a whole years worth of data for both of his businesses which took probably 20 something hours, not fun at all, speaking of which, I should prob get on the continuing of the doing of that... and other than the random assortment of live professional sporting events, OH MY GOD! SPEAKING OF WHICH, OSAMA BIN LADEN!!!! No, that's not actually a sport, don't know how it would be, but, well, also, I don't want to get into this whole “WOO HE'S DEAD!” stuff. Yea, I guess, he got what he deserved, and that's cool and all, but, I don't think that it is something to get excited about, and it's horrible, meh. Something about wishing/praising someone's death and “Karma.” But my writings ain't about none a that there pussy intergalactic space travel, interdimensionary intertwinement of all spirits as one, and it definitely isn't no ding-dang-dong political mumbo-jumbo so that will be the end of that garbage. But, yea, no, so Osamabama, sports eventing, hmmmm... Oh right! May 1st, whence we all found out about dude dying, and if you were watching the Mets Phillies game, you would have heard the USA chant... Franco Unamerican (aka Francis Hadley, my bros friend, even tho he was in my grade... yea, answer me that one... lol) started that m'f chant, in the asshole section, 302. And yes, i'm proud of that fact. Haha. Awesome. I'm tired, and I feel like I should leave you with something to do/read, so i'll leave this here, hopefully I find some inspiration and can write about something and make it better soon. Peace outs.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
What the shit, Ronneh?
So, here I am sitting in front of my computer screen, and I’m not going to lie, it feels a little weird. No, not because I really don’t use one anymore… Because I’m actually using my Windows 7 HP laptop for something other than using it as a DVR. And to me, well, the keyboard is a little weird, the buttons are a little too spread out, but I guess I will get used to it in writing this, but the old not-so-trusty-anymore Macbook is so easy to navigate and type on. As it turns out, not only is the hard drive set to perpetual level 1 on a toaster, but now the battery has taken its last dump, and the laptop only works if it’s plugged in. Awesome! Funny story, I haven’t used this laptop in so long, the battery has died and am using this one currently plugged in, because I didn’t want to use my macbook plugged in… Makes sense, I guess, for in about 5 hours, when this thing fully charges, yes, 5 hours, stupid thing only trickle charges… Whoever invented that should be shot in the penis. Not to completely demolish all fabric and knowledge of it ever existing, but using a BB gun, and while having an erection, shot directly down the pee-hole from point-blank range. I don’t want massive amounts of blood or anything, maybe pain, maybe, more so just that somehow, magically preferably, they cannot hold urine, and as it is produced, will continuously leak drip by drip onto their pants. Forcing them to wear diapers and not be able to get blowjobs, unless the girl is into golden showers n drinkin pee, I guess. But I guess what is actually weird about this writing sesh is that, well, usually I think of something awesome, amazing, hilarious, life-altering, plain-old-silly, or something to those extents happens, and I feel the need to write a little bit about them, and ramble on for the other 96%. After being held captive by Kim Jong Il, between the dates of March 5 and June 17, I am back on my writing grind, and am willing and hopefully able to flex my literary muscles yet again. Well, while held captive, I was propaganda master of his “regime,” so I guess you could say I was writing, but that was all fiction bull-hockey, not the real-life situations that are my daily grind, that matter oh-so-much to everyone on Earth and are of utmost importance for both National Security and the fate of the free-world. Speaking of which, can anybody teach me how to properly eat an ice pop and type something on the computer at the same time. Apparently I no longer HOLY FUCKING BEETLE JUST JUMPED ON ME! have the ability to do that anymore. I seem to just be dripping lemon-flavored Dora the Explora (cuz she so gansta, yo) DIE FUCKING BEETLE! ice pop all over my white T. No, not the Dem Franchize Boys variant of “White Tee.” but rather a T-shirt that just-so-happens to be white, like the color of my skin. No, no, not the blinding “holy shit put on a shirt” white of my stomach, but rather… Yea, probably that one on second thought… Funny story, was outside MDW wearing no shirt, to “get my base tan on for the beach (because I go oh so frequently…lol)” and I got beater burn. Yes, that is how deep white trash is ingrained in my particular variant of DNA. Thanks mom n dad. Hearts! That and the fact that (what little of) my facial hair (if it can even be considered that) No, never mind, that’s all Mexican, haha, my little Sanchez goin on. It’s all good though, one day, I might be able to grow facial hair and get all the ladies, or I can still pretend I’m not yet 18 and get some underage girls… I like the second idea better, just hope nobody catches on and I def don’t wanna pull an LT on dem hoez. Speaking of which, I guess it now makes sense as to why I’m a pedo: My idol as a child is also a pedo. It all makes sense now! Lean wit it, Rock wit it! Sorry, was talkin about DFB before, and put them on shuffle on my iTunes. Damn snap music and its awesomeness… er, uh, I don’t know that words can describe exactly how it goes, but I can try: Have you ever seen a 900 lb man with a Chihuahua deep-throating his erect penis, a Doberman stuck in his asshole via its tail, running naked across 7 lanes of a highway to get to a broken-down ice cream truck? Neither have I, but I’m sure that I would be unable to look the other way. It’s so bad, yet, well, you just have to watch, and video record it too, of course, just in case he gets hit by a semi haulin 80,000 pounds of freight. Instant Kajillionaire! Yea, so it’s like that, except this has to do more so with the ears, and less so with the eyes. Because, if you could see music, well, it would be weird to say the least, and I would hope it wouldn’t be like one of those gay visualizer/equalizers that windows media player has (does anybody use that anymore(Does that exist anymore?(Should I close these three sets of parenthesis?)Meh, I guess I could.) Did I close them all out yet?) How about now?) I think by now, I’ve close too many.) I’m not gonna worry about it though.) All these sentence fragments are fun!) So, yea, “snap music,” very terrible, slightly entertaining, not sure why. Maybe someone will research this and get back to me, maybe.
What’s been going on in my life… Hmmm… Well, I had Lyme disease, that was awesome! Sleeping + arthritis = my idea of a good time! The other cool part about it, well, there are actually at least two, was the fact that I just had to walk out into the sunlight to get a sunburn, stupid Doxycycline. Was that what it was called? Sounds like it’s a drug, so it’s good enough for me… That’s probably some boner medication, and I just ruined my reputation by saying I took boner medication for 3 weeks straight. Nah, never mind, falso alarmo, I don’t have a positive reputation to be harmed. Haha, fail. Oh, right, an excellent question, what was the other God DAMNIT! Just switched pages and I completely blanked on what I was talkin about, hold up… Oh, right, …cool part about having Lyme and being on meds for three weeks was the fact that I couldn’t really drink much. And in being that I couldn’t really drink much, I couldn’t drink at all. Now, I wouldn’t go out and saying that I’m an alcoholic or anything like that, in fact I might even say I ain’t not none a dem dere alky-mc-holics not never no way. I don’t drink often, but when I do drink, it’s a lot. And let me tell you, I drank a lot the past week(ish), and somehow my tolerance wasn’t really affected at all. Guess it’s like riding a bike, you never forget it, just gotta remember how to do it. That doesn’t actually make sense, but I’m going to let it slide, because that’s how it seems to be, and it is the only logical explanation that I have for it. Is it bad that I’m too lazy to get up, and walk 7 (approximated) feet to the nearest ash tray and properly put out my cigarette, so I just placed it on the ground next to me? I know what you’re thinking, and it’s absolutely correct. I’m in the garage, in a camping chair, and the floor is concrete. (Did I mention that white-trash is deeply rooted in my DNA.?) I mean, think about it. I hadn’t drank for over a month, probably, I now weigh 180-185 pounds, which is a mere fragment of my former self (as high as 240 soph-junior year of college, whenever that was, during my prime.) and something else. Because everything should be in threes. Not sure why, but that’s the way it is. There were three wise men, but I really feel that they were not so wise. You ask why? Let me explain to you: Dudes traveled far far away (St. Matthews 2:11 says “young child” and not “new-born” so they must have come a from far, far away. Eat that shit and like it David Hasselhoff!) and gave the dude Gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Now, I can’t knock ‘em too much, because without them, apparently, we wouldn’t be getting all sorts of awesome presents on Christmas, so that’s a +1 in my book, but come on, a kid, gold, frankincense, myrrh…? What the fuck are the last two things anyway…?!?! I mean, yea, gold kinda makes sense, it’s shiny and if the kid keeps it, he will have some money at some point, kinda like a trust fund in ancient baby jebus times. What the fuck is a little baby jesus gonna be doin with dried tree sap? Come on. If you’re so wise, why wouldn’t you realize that a fucking child does not want anything to do with dried tree sap?! Fucking idiots! Maybe get the Jew a dradle or something. Too soon? So yea, maybe it was just a “lucky week,” but I really feel that my drinking ability was outstanding, to say the least, and it culminated properly in a so-called “Beer Olympics.” I mean, Wednesday night, it took me 14 beers to get to buzzed status, that’s a little ridiculous. And at the “Beer Olympics,” I was drinking sometime around 11:30a-2a ish, walked to a bar, took a shot, drank 3 beers, and did a car bomb. No, not the drink, I Macguyvered the shit out of a car and turned it into a bomb, Hazzah! Maybe I just dreamed the Macguyver part, but it was still pretty sweet. Or maybe I was just so drunk that I couldn’t even realize that I was drunk, but I’d like to think that not the case. That is all for now, little update, little golden verbiage forever glorified into the anals of the interwebs. Enjoy.
Peace!
S(cott) dot M(iller)eezy
What’s been going on in my life… Hmmm… Well, I had Lyme disease, that was awesome! Sleeping + arthritis = my idea of a good time! The other cool part about it, well, there are actually at least two, was the fact that I just had to walk out into the sunlight to get a sunburn, stupid Doxycycline. Was that what it was called? Sounds like it’s a drug, so it’s good enough for me… That’s probably some boner medication, and I just ruined my reputation by saying I took boner medication for 3 weeks straight. Nah, never mind, falso alarmo, I don’t have a positive reputation to be harmed. Haha, fail. Oh, right, an excellent question, what was the other God DAMNIT! Just switched pages and I completely blanked on what I was talkin about, hold up… Oh, right, …cool part about having Lyme and being on meds for three weeks was the fact that I couldn’t really drink much. And in being that I couldn’t really drink much, I couldn’t drink at all. Now, I wouldn’t go out and saying that I’m an alcoholic or anything like that, in fact I might even say I ain’t not none a dem dere alky-mc-holics not never no way. I don’t drink often, but when I do drink, it’s a lot. And let me tell you, I drank a lot the past week(ish), and somehow my tolerance wasn’t really affected at all. Guess it’s like riding a bike, you never forget it, just gotta remember how to do it. That doesn’t actually make sense, but I’m going to let it slide, because that’s how it seems to be, and it is the only logical explanation that I have for it. Is it bad that I’m too lazy to get up, and walk 7 (approximated) feet to the nearest ash tray and properly put out my cigarette, so I just placed it on the ground next to me? I know what you’re thinking, and it’s absolutely correct. I’m in the garage, in a camping chair, and the floor is concrete. (Did I mention that white-trash is deeply rooted in my DNA.?) I mean, think about it. I hadn’t drank for over a month, probably, I now weigh 180-185 pounds, which is a mere fragment of my former self (as high as 240 soph-junior year of college, whenever that was, during my prime.) and something else. Because everything should be in threes. Not sure why, but that’s the way it is. There were three wise men, but I really feel that they were not so wise. You ask why? Let me explain to you: Dudes traveled far far away (St. Matthews 2:11 says “young child” and not “new-born” so they must have come a from far, far away. Eat that shit and like it David Hasselhoff!) and gave the dude Gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Now, I can’t knock ‘em too much, because without them, apparently, we wouldn’t be getting all sorts of awesome presents on Christmas, so that’s a +1 in my book, but come on, a kid, gold, frankincense, myrrh…? What the fuck are the last two things anyway…?!?! I mean, yea, gold kinda makes sense, it’s shiny and if the kid keeps it, he will have some money at some point, kinda like a trust fund in ancient baby jebus times. What the fuck is a little baby jesus gonna be doin with dried tree sap? Come on. If you’re so wise, why wouldn’t you realize that a fucking child does not want anything to do with dried tree sap?! Fucking idiots! Maybe get the Jew a dradle or something. Too soon? So yea, maybe it was just a “lucky week,” but I really feel that my drinking ability was outstanding, to say the least, and it culminated properly in a so-called “Beer Olympics.” I mean, Wednesday night, it took me 14 beers to get to buzzed status, that’s a little ridiculous. And at the “Beer Olympics,” I was drinking sometime around 11:30a-2a ish, walked to a bar, took a shot, drank 3 beers, and did a car bomb. No, not the drink, I Macguyvered the shit out of a car and turned it into a bomb, Hazzah! Maybe I just dreamed the Macguyver part, but it was still pretty sweet. Or maybe I was just so drunk that I couldn’t even realize that I was drunk, but I’d like to think that not the case. That is all for now, little update, little golden verbiage forever glorified into the anals of the interwebs. Enjoy.
Peace!
S(cott) dot M(iller)eezy
Thursday, June 17, 2010
You fucked it, Bob!
So, I haven’t written in a while, and I’m sure my presence has been greatly missed. And if it hasn’t, fuck off, nah, I also forgot I existed for quite some time myself. For you see, this is not actually me, but rather a “reaching-out”, if you will, of my subconscious. For, as most of you know, that “know” me, I wouldn’t actually say any of these things in person, for I am quite reserved and rarely speak up, especially if it goes against someone. But, well, the “silicone courage” comes out and I say things that my brain tells me repeatedly that I shouldn’t say out loud. I like that phrase, silicone courage, does it exist? Only one way to find out, time out whilest I check out wikipedia and urban dictionary.
(Insert elevator music… if only, that would be so friggin awesome! Well, pretend it’s real… NOW!)
Nope, doesn’t exist, I should probably get on copyrighting that and making millions from it. Here goes:
Silicone Courage: Having a computer screen to hide behind and feeling out-of-the-ordinarily courageous, giving you the ability to talk to that person you normally wouldn’t among other things. Copyright S dot Meezy. Or would it be a registered trademark? I should probably get a lawyer on board for this one… Haha. Yea, you’re right… I won’t, at all. I can pretend though ☺
Anyway, use it, I’ll sue. Or, maybe, use it, and keep spreading it around, and then one day I’ll sue everyone for using it a be a kajillionaire. Yes, that’s a real word. Don’t believe me? It exists on Wikipedia (the real encyclopedia of the world.) And according to the Urban Dictionary, it is equal to 1000 bajillion (dollars in this instance). And once I have my kajillion dollars, my 1000 bajillion, well, I’m not quite sure what I will do with all that money, but I’ll do something like buy a taco bell franchise and put it in my house. Mmmmmm taco bell. Cheesy gordita crunch for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 4th meal. Would they all be considered fourth meal? Eh, who cares about semantics, it would be sweeter than a lollipop dipped in an 18-year-old virgin’s pussy.
Anywho, so this weekend in speaking with Some Random Giraffe, we decided something, which I have made my actual facebook status, S Dot Meezy (which I’ve since gone back to my real name, to avoid confusion, on my own behalf, of myself), not my S. Me Z status. Something to the fact of responsibility and the fact that people do not accept it, at all. (Going through this again, instead of doing the actual work I’m supposed to do, of course, I realize that I don’t even remember this happening, lol. But I should probably get on that train myself, so as to not make myself one a dem dere hippy-crits. Long story short: How do you tell a man that you done did $4,000 worth of damage to his pride-and-joy, his livelihood, his bread maker? You can’t, without expecting to get punched the fuck out… And how do you tell that man that you did this when he is the one that puts the roof over your head? Any suggestions, I’m all ears, well, eyes, I guess, unless you want to call me. Reach me @ 382-5968. Yes, that is not my real number, it actually spells out “Fuck You” or “Fuc Kyou”, with the hyphen in its proper place… Important? No.) So, back to our regularly scheduled programming, after looking at this again, even though I don’t remember where I was originally going with this, I have found a direction to travel, and fuck, let’s see where it brings us! (The last time I played this game, I almost lost my car to the mud-covered hill due to a lack of LSD. No, not the drug, a limited slip differential… Watch my cousin vinny, or I can just copy and paste the quote, because at the current moment, I’m bored, and trying to get my mind off of my upcoming phone that isn’t out yet, nor is there a specific release date other than summer… GAY!… The last one I got was September, it’s been way too long!
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The ‘05 tC had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Obviously, changed the 64 skylark with the 05 tC, but I don’t own a 64 Skylark, do i?! Didn’t think so… What if I do, and am not aware of it? That would be weird…
Hokay, so… Fuck the parenthesis I forgot to add in, I’m not actually going to close this one, and hopefully, now that I’ve pointed it out, you will get uber pissed (where is the umlaut on Microsoft word? Too many efforts to insert a symbol, so you get nothing there as well. Another unclosed parenthesis. Ha!
Funny story, true story, but funny. So my one friend may or may not have a drinking/drug problem, and since I haven’t hung out with him (for reasons due to the upcoming story, if, knowing me it might not, it ever comes, you will understand, possibly, why) since this story took place, I have maybe drank, twice, in over a month, possibly pushing two months now. Time flies any more, even though it also goes by slow as shit… Can you believe this week is already over (almost.)? Can you believe it’s already (insert the current month here…) ?! So we were all hangin’ out, having a little chill sesh at mah buddy’s cribbage, drinking quite heavily. I was killing everyone in any game known to man (aka listening to Aziz Ansari and beer pong, probably most likely due to my partner (no, not in a gay way, you homophobe) “carrying me on his shoulders”) and getting all the fly honeys, cuz that’s how I do. HAHA. Yea, this is my world, I can make it up as I see fit. At least I point out when I lie, well, when it’s a blatant lie… maybe… So, we’re all drinking, having a good time, and I was NOT pacing myself at all. Not very surprising, I never do, if I’m gonna do something, you bet your ass I’m gonna put 110% into it. So 1:30 comes around, and I’m all, “Fuck this, I’m going to sleep.” Translation: I’m old as shit, and also super lame, plus waking up at 7 am M-F sucks a fat three (because it’s three times worse than sucking a fat one, in my mind at least…) So I probably find the couch and pass out mid fall into the soft, comfortability of the lovely furnishing which I have claimed my own for the night, without urinating on it, because I am not a dog or a cat or whatever else does that… Wake up the next morning, feeling AWESOME! Everyone else starts rolling out of bed all OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Well, apparently they were all chugging Jack until 4 in the morning and decided waking up at 830 am was a good idea. So, come to find out my one friend, whose name will not be revealed, and something about innocent until proven guilty in a court of law (my dad seriously needs to stop watching cops, that is the dumbest show on earth, filled with the dumbest people on earth. Nothing against cops, but, wait, everything against cops. They are completely unnecessary in most parts of the world. Well, not completely, but whatever, stop distracting me. Come to find out this other kid, the one with the problem, which is kind of fueled by some people “concerned about his well-being” aka attention grabbing whores (in dudely form) drank way too much, fell down a flight of stairs, complete with a 90 degree turn after 6 steps, which in itself deserves some sort of medal, and was lying (laying? Idk.) at the bottom of the stairs, face down, laughing at himself. We go down to the basement to wake up problem-having child, clean up a little bit, and notice that the TV command center, which consists of a TV (no shit?!) an xbox, an xbox 360(yes, both… Why, who knows and or cares… They were seriously both there, and the original xbox is slightly redundant… not my chair, not my problem…), a VCR (probably the last known one in existence, no longer can I loop the princess bride in a VRC :’( and probably something else stuffs too was covered in some sort of clearish liquid. Well, as it “turns out” it was pee, the problem-having-kid was the only one downstairs alone, woke up w/ his pants unbuttoned, and all signs kinda pointed to him peeing all over this shit. Which makes sense, kinda. But well, it was never brought to court, and he was never formally charged, or had a chance to defend himself in front of his peers, so, we’ll call it a tie. How? IDK, shit! So guy whose house it was all gave him the chance to fess up, playing stupid like hey somebody spilled something on the VCR thing, or something, idk. At the time it was way more dramatic n sich, but looking back, it’s kinda wtvr, prob cause it wasn’t my shit that got pissed on.
Fuck, I had some serious gold, but I completely forgot all about it, I need to start carrying around a voice recorder or texting myself notes on what stupid shit I think about. God damnit sweaty, hairy monkey nutsack-filled plastic testicles!
Who do you portray yourself as? Do you want people to think you’re better than they are, better than you are, better than anything? Do you show people you don’t care so they think that’s why you do so poorly, do not achieve anything in life? Have you had so much potential and done nothing with it? Why do you feel that you need to portray yourself as someone other than what you actually are? Do you even know who you are? All of these questions might scare you, shit, they’re scaring me, partially because I don’t know who’s asking them, and partially because, well, they’re scary to think about!
No idea where I was going with that one either. If I remember, good for you, if not, it’ll just be something else that makes no sense. Surprise! No, it’s not your birthday, ?, we’re about to play a fun game. (yes, I just used a question mark in a appositive… technically not an appositive, but you can go lick Ron Jeremy’s decrepit, protracted, STI carrying schlong-a-dong for all I care with you getting all technical on me like that!) This game hasn’t even started, and I’m already calling time mother-lovin’ out!
So, I finally remembered I exist, again, months later, and do not remember the game we were going to play. Quite upsetting, actually, because with that intro to the game, reading over this again, I was like Shit yea I wanna play this game! But now it will never be invented and the world will not be a better place for its existence. :’( On a more positive note, I’m ending it here before I make it any worse than it already is. Seriously though, think about that question in the last “para-graph.” I sometimes have gems of wisdom, sometimes, maybe…?
Peace out nyuckas!
S(dot)cott M(eezy)iller
(Insert elevator music… if only, that would be so friggin awesome! Well, pretend it’s real… NOW!)
Nope, doesn’t exist, I should probably get on copyrighting that and making millions from it. Here goes:
Silicone Courage: Having a computer screen to hide behind and feeling out-of-the-ordinarily courageous, giving you the ability to talk to that person you normally wouldn’t among other things. Copyright S dot Meezy. Or would it be a registered trademark? I should probably get a lawyer on board for this one… Haha. Yea, you’re right… I won’t, at all. I can pretend though ☺
Anyway, use it, I’ll sue. Or, maybe, use it, and keep spreading it around, and then one day I’ll sue everyone for using it a be a kajillionaire. Yes, that’s a real word. Don’t believe me? It exists on Wikipedia (the real encyclopedia of the world.) And according to the Urban Dictionary, it is equal to 1000 bajillion (dollars in this instance). And once I have my kajillion dollars, my 1000 bajillion, well, I’m not quite sure what I will do with all that money, but I’ll do something like buy a taco bell franchise and put it in my house. Mmmmmm taco bell. Cheesy gordita crunch for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 4th meal. Would they all be considered fourth meal? Eh, who cares about semantics, it would be sweeter than a lollipop dipped in an 18-year-old virgin’s pussy.
Anywho, so this weekend in speaking with Some Random Giraffe, we decided something, which I have made my actual facebook status, S Dot Meezy (which I’ve since gone back to my real name, to avoid confusion, on my own behalf, of myself), not my S. Me Z status. Something to the fact of responsibility and the fact that people do not accept it, at all. (Going through this again, instead of doing the actual work I’m supposed to do, of course, I realize that I don’t even remember this happening, lol. But I should probably get on that train myself, so as to not make myself one a dem dere hippy-crits. Long story short: How do you tell a man that you done did $4,000 worth of damage to his pride-and-joy, his livelihood, his bread maker? You can’t, without expecting to get punched the fuck out… And how do you tell that man that you did this when he is the one that puts the roof over your head? Any suggestions, I’m all ears, well, eyes, I guess, unless you want to call me. Reach me @ 382-5968. Yes, that is not my real number, it actually spells out “Fuck You” or “Fuc Kyou”, with the hyphen in its proper place… Important? No.) So, back to our regularly scheduled programming, after looking at this again, even though I don’t remember where I was originally going with this, I have found a direction to travel, and fuck, let’s see where it brings us! (The last time I played this game, I almost lost my car to the mud-covered hill due to a lack of LSD. No, not the drug, a limited slip differential… Watch my cousin vinny, or I can just copy and paste the quote, because at the current moment, I’m bored, and trying to get my mind off of my upcoming phone that isn’t out yet, nor is there a specific release date other than summer… GAY!… The last one I got was September, it’s been way too long!
Mona Lisa Vito: It's a limited slip differential which distributes power equally to both the right and left tires. The ‘05 tC had a regular differential, which, anyone who's been stuck in the mud in Alabama knows, you step on the gas, one tire spins, the other tire does nothing.
Obviously, changed the 64 skylark with the 05 tC, but I don’t own a 64 Skylark, do i?! Didn’t think so… What if I do, and am not aware of it? That would be weird…
Hokay, so… Fuck the parenthesis I forgot to add in, I’m not actually going to close this one, and hopefully, now that I’ve pointed it out, you will get uber pissed (where is the umlaut on Microsoft word? Too many efforts to insert a symbol, so you get nothing there as well. Another unclosed parenthesis. Ha!
Funny story, true story, but funny. So my one friend may or may not have a drinking/drug problem, and since I haven’t hung out with him (for reasons due to the upcoming story, if, knowing me it might not, it ever comes, you will understand, possibly, why) since this story took place, I have maybe drank, twice, in over a month, possibly pushing two months now. Time flies any more, even though it also goes by slow as shit… Can you believe this week is already over (almost.)? Can you believe it’s already (insert the current month here…) ?! So we were all hangin’ out, having a little chill sesh at mah buddy’s cribbage, drinking quite heavily. I was killing everyone in any game known to man (aka listening to Aziz Ansari and beer pong, probably most likely due to my partner (no, not in a gay way, you homophobe) “carrying me on his shoulders”) and getting all the fly honeys, cuz that’s how I do. HAHA. Yea, this is my world, I can make it up as I see fit. At least I point out when I lie, well, when it’s a blatant lie… maybe… So, we’re all drinking, having a good time, and I was NOT pacing myself at all. Not very surprising, I never do, if I’m gonna do something, you bet your ass I’m gonna put 110% into it. So 1:30 comes around, and I’m all, “Fuck this, I’m going to sleep.” Translation: I’m old as shit, and also super lame, plus waking up at 7 am M-F sucks a fat three (because it’s three times worse than sucking a fat one, in my mind at least…) So I probably find the couch and pass out mid fall into the soft, comfortability of the lovely furnishing which I have claimed my own for the night, without urinating on it, because I am not a dog or a cat or whatever else does that… Wake up the next morning, feeling AWESOME! Everyone else starts rolling out of bed all OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE SHIT. Well, apparently they were all chugging Jack until 4 in the morning and decided waking up at 830 am was a good idea. So, come to find out my one friend, whose name will not be revealed, and something about innocent until proven guilty in a court of law (my dad seriously needs to stop watching cops, that is the dumbest show on earth, filled with the dumbest people on earth. Nothing against cops, but, wait, everything against cops. They are completely unnecessary in most parts of the world. Well, not completely, but whatever, stop distracting me. Come to find out this other kid, the one with the problem, which is kind of fueled by some people “concerned about his well-being” aka attention grabbing whores (in dudely form) drank way too much, fell down a flight of stairs, complete with a 90 degree turn after 6 steps, which in itself deserves some sort of medal, and was lying (laying? Idk.) at the bottom of the stairs, face down, laughing at himself. We go down to the basement to wake up problem-having child, clean up a little bit, and notice that the TV command center, which consists of a TV (no shit?!) an xbox, an xbox 360(yes, both… Why, who knows and or cares… They were seriously both there, and the original xbox is slightly redundant… not my chair, not my problem…), a VCR (probably the last known one in existence, no longer can I loop the princess bride in a VRC :’( and probably something else stuffs too was covered in some sort of clearish liquid. Well, as it “turns out” it was pee, the problem-having-kid was the only one downstairs alone, woke up w/ his pants unbuttoned, and all signs kinda pointed to him peeing all over this shit. Which makes sense, kinda. But well, it was never brought to court, and he was never formally charged, or had a chance to defend himself in front of his peers, so, we’ll call it a tie. How? IDK, shit! So guy whose house it was all gave him the chance to fess up, playing stupid like hey somebody spilled something on the VCR thing, or something, idk. At the time it was way more dramatic n sich, but looking back, it’s kinda wtvr, prob cause it wasn’t my shit that got pissed on.
Fuck, I had some serious gold, but I completely forgot all about it, I need to start carrying around a voice recorder or texting myself notes on what stupid shit I think about. God damnit sweaty, hairy monkey nutsack-filled plastic testicles!
Who do you portray yourself as? Do you want people to think you’re better than they are, better than you are, better than anything? Do you show people you don’t care so they think that’s why you do so poorly, do not achieve anything in life? Have you had so much potential and done nothing with it? Why do you feel that you need to portray yourself as someone other than what you actually are? Do you even know who you are? All of these questions might scare you, shit, they’re scaring me, partially because I don’t know who’s asking them, and partially because, well, they’re scary to think about!
No idea where I was going with that one either. If I remember, good for you, if not, it’ll just be something else that makes no sense. Surprise! No, it’s not your birthday, ?, we’re about to play a fun game. (yes, I just used a question mark in a appositive… technically not an appositive, but you can go lick Ron Jeremy’s decrepit, protracted, STI carrying schlong-a-dong for all I care with you getting all technical on me like that!) This game hasn’t even started, and I’m already calling time mother-lovin’ out!
So, I finally remembered I exist, again, months later, and do not remember the game we were going to play. Quite upsetting, actually, because with that intro to the game, reading over this again, I was like Shit yea I wanna play this game! But now it will never be invented and the world will not be a better place for its existence. :’( On a more positive note, I’m ending it here before I make it any worse than it already is. Seriously though, think about that question in the last “para-graph.” I sometimes have gems of wisdom, sometimes, maybe…?
Peace out nyuckas!
S(dot)cott M(eezy)iller
Friday, March 5, 2010
I Need a Hot Girl.
Sometimes I get to thinking, and sometimes that gets me into trouble. Notice I said sometimes. Because most of the time I do not think, and most of the times that I do ACTUALLY think, it does not get me into trouble. Therefore the coefficient for trouble from thinking is somewhat similar to .49 X .49 which = 24% at best. However unrealistic that number is, I guess by the use of my words it is possible to be occurred as such. Does that actually matter? Fuckin’ A Right! You’re so smart! How do you do it? You don’t have to answer that question, I don’t really actually care, I was just doing it to be polite and make you feel like you’re opinion matters, when we all know that only my opinion and that of Some Random Giraffe are the only two opinions on the Earth that matter. Anyhow, sitting in traffic this morning, “rush hour” traffic, if you will, I noticed something. Well, I noticed something that I had subconsciously noticed before but had never came to the forefront of my conscious brain power-ness until this morning. Maybe it was more of noticing something that I haven’t noticed, so I anti-noticed something(?). Looking at all of the cars, and the people driving those cars, I noticed that there are absolutely ZERO good-looking girls driving to work in the morning. NONE! What the fuck?! Do they not have to work because they are so attractive? Do they just not go in so early because they need extra beauty sleep? What exactly is going on here? Looking around at all of the cars, being bored as hell, I noticed that I have not once noticed a super-fine, oh-so-sexy, what-I-wouldn’t-do-to-her type of girl ever in my morning commute. Sitting in traffic in the morning, you would think you would see at least one. One?! Not a single one! Maybe there’s a road that exists that only beautiful women are allowed to drive on. Maybe we should employ sexy females to drive during rush hour traffic, to make the drive more pleasant. Which I then thought about and realized that there were pros and cons to this. Pros: Stare at hot chics, make eye contact, get a boner and not have the embarrassment of other people, except maybe a trucker, seeing it. Cons: Get a stiffy and have a trucker hit on you, stare at a hot chick and crash, get laughed at by hot chics, not see boobies., and get your hopes up for nothing.
Beautiful women don’t work. Don’t get me wrong; they do have jobs, but like as models and porn stars and such of the sort. And yes, they are really good at being bartenders, I guess, because who doesn’t want gymongous jugs staring at your eyes when you are ordering a drink (and drinking heavily), although they can really only be trusted to make girly drinks and open bottles of beer, we can’t ask too much of them, it’s still fine by me. But, you know what, good for them for being so attractive. Actually, another job they’re great at, receptionist and tanning salon employee. Oh, I’m sorry you pretentious prick of a douche licker, did I just name two things after saying “another”? Maybe they’re basically one in the same, and I wanted to elaborate. Maybe, just maybe you'll go out back and rub their sick crotch; he'll stick his hands down your pants. Meanwhile, your boyfriend's sittin' at home jerkin off to fuckin' gay porn. What, oh, Haggard, right, funny where your mind wanders when you say something silly like “Maybe, just maybe”. My mind is a big jumble of movie quotes and much other irrelevant bullshit that doesn’t matter to much more than this god awfully forsaken blog written about, well, what the fuck is it ever written about? Stupidity. Wait, awesomeness. Pure, unadulterated awe-inspiring, prodigiosity.
Giving up that extra cupcake in third grade, and leading to their proper eating behaviors, they probably deserve to not work. Wait, that’s not how it happened. The cutest girls in grade school are usually the ones that turn out to be all full of STDs and fatness come 5th grade. FIFTH GRADE?! Eh, probably by now. It was probably more like the loserly athletic/fit girl that wasn’t cool enough to be given a cupcake in 3rd grade for Timmy’s birthday, never getting to taste the delectability, the titillating, clit-tickling ability of deliciously sweet yum-yum cuppy cakes. Never figuring this out, with puberty, throw in a little luck, and continuing to play sports, but somehow not being popular even so, and all their hard work finally pays off! They are hot as hell, and people start noticing them. But, the “cool cats” that made fun of her and never had the time of day for her before get nothing from her, because one day she will go postal on their asses for all the torment and psychologist visits they brought upon her. The band-geek that was her friend no matter what because it was a human of the female variety that talked to him, will probably get first dibs. But it’s too late, because senior year is already over, and soon enough she will go to college, get into clubs and get served drinks, meet the wrong guys, and one day end up in Playboy College Girls. End up sleeping with a teacher, becoming preggers and dropping out of school, have MTV make a show about it, My Teacher Fucked Me In The Ass and Got Me Pregnant. What the fuck did I just talk about? You can’t get preggo from sodomy. Unless there is some form of disgusto that involves analinguis and then spittin the juicy yum cum back into the va-jay-jay. I’m sure there’s a word for that, I just haven’t been able to find it on urban dictionary or Wikipedia. A sort of modified felch + snowball 3X combo, if you will. Back to my previous direction. If they did have real jobs, there would be way more cars which would lead to way more traffic, and especially problematic, there would be more women drivers, which would lead to more traffic and more accidents, because as we all know women can’t drive, so it’s probably for the best.
Congratulations on being hot. You deserve all the attention you get. Stay off the roads and don’t get a job, just keep suckin’ that dick for all of your monetary needs. But, if for some reason, you decide you want to become ugly for some crazy reason, don’t depend on men to pay for anything for you anymore, unless you’re that good at givin’ it up and s’in that dee.
Someday, maybe, just someday, i hope, I will be able to do something useful, or something like that, I think.
S(dot)cott M(eezy)iller
Beautiful women don’t work. Don’t get me wrong; they do have jobs, but like as models and porn stars and such of the sort. And yes, they are really good at being bartenders, I guess, because who doesn’t want gymongous jugs staring at your eyes when you are ordering a drink (and drinking heavily), although they can really only be trusted to make girly drinks and open bottles of beer, we can’t ask too much of them, it’s still fine by me. But, you know what, good for them for being so attractive. Actually, another job they’re great at, receptionist and tanning salon employee. Oh, I’m sorry you pretentious prick of a douche licker, did I just name two things after saying “another”? Maybe they’re basically one in the same, and I wanted to elaborate. Maybe, just maybe you'll go out back and rub their sick crotch; he'll stick his hands down your pants. Meanwhile, your boyfriend's sittin' at home jerkin off to fuckin' gay porn. What, oh, Haggard, right, funny where your mind wanders when you say something silly like “Maybe, just maybe”. My mind is a big jumble of movie quotes and much other irrelevant bullshit that doesn’t matter to much more than this god awfully forsaken blog written about, well, what the fuck is it ever written about? Stupidity. Wait, awesomeness. Pure, unadulterated awe-inspiring, prodigiosity.
Giving up that extra cupcake in third grade, and leading to their proper eating behaviors, they probably deserve to not work. Wait, that’s not how it happened. The cutest girls in grade school are usually the ones that turn out to be all full of STDs and fatness come 5th grade. FIFTH GRADE?! Eh, probably by now. It was probably more like the loserly athletic/fit girl that wasn’t cool enough to be given a cupcake in 3rd grade for Timmy’s birthday, never getting to taste the delectability, the titillating, clit-tickling ability of deliciously sweet yum-yum cuppy cakes. Never figuring this out, with puberty, throw in a little luck, and continuing to play sports, but somehow not being popular even so, and all their hard work finally pays off! They are hot as hell, and people start noticing them. But, the “cool cats” that made fun of her and never had the time of day for her before get nothing from her, because one day she will go postal on their asses for all the torment and psychologist visits they brought upon her. The band-geek that was her friend no matter what because it was a human of the female variety that talked to him, will probably get first dibs. But it’s too late, because senior year is already over, and soon enough she will go to college, get into clubs and get served drinks, meet the wrong guys, and one day end up in Playboy College Girls. End up sleeping with a teacher, becoming preggers and dropping out of school, have MTV make a show about it, My Teacher Fucked Me In The Ass and Got Me Pregnant. What the fuck did I just talk about? You can’t get preggo from sodomy. Unless there is some form of disgusto that involves analinguis and then spittin the juicy yum cum back into the va-jay-jay. I’m sure there’s a word for that, I just haven’t been able to find it on urban dictionary or Wikipedia. A sort of modified felch + snowball 3X combo, if you will. Back to my previous direction. If they did have real jobs, there would be way more cars which would lead to way more traffic, and especially problematic, there would be more women drivers, which would lead to more traffic and more accidents, because as we all know women can’t drive, so it’s probably for the best.
Congratulations on being hot. You deserve all the attention you get. Stay off the roads and don’t get a job, just keep suckin’ that dick for all of your monetary needs. But, if for some reason, you decide you want to become ugly for some crazy reason, don’t depend on men to pay for anything for you anymore, unless you’re that good at givin’ it up and s’in that dee.
Someday, maybe, just someday, i hope, I will be able to do something useful, or something like that, I think.
S(dot)cott M(eezy)iller
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Who Knows, I Sure as F*ck Don't!
Who are you? Yes, you, lonely-type person sitting behind the safety of your computer screen, afraid of real contact with actual human beings, to the point of reminding me of a Justin Timberlake song. (Ayo Technology. Wait, 50 Cent ft J Tim and Timbaland… does it matter? Is this your story? Isn’t Justin Timberlake so much cooler, and hotter, than 50 Cent ever could be??!! He’s so dreamy, and I’m ain’t not no gay. If I were a chic, I’d totally bang him! WTF? Who just hijacked my blog? I digress.) I don’t actually know what it is about the song that made me think of it, but well, listen to it, and that is who you are. Maybe you are what that Dennis Leary song says you are, you know that popular song he had… People heard it from time to time, it may or may not be as popular as the Mona Lisa, who, apparently, was suffering from high cholesterol, not too sure where she got it from, but hey, apparently she loved animal meat if you know what I mean ;-). Ew. Perv! Haha, it’s okay, I thought the same thing. You know, cholesterol, the essential structural component of mammalian cell membranes, so I’ve heard through the grapevine, which contrary to popular belief are NOT mammalian, yes, you read that correctly, grapes and grapevines are NOT mammalian. Do grapes even grow on grapevines, or is that like, you know, ladybug sex which leads to ladybug eggs and ladybugs? As we’ve already learned, through the scientific method, which may or may not have been scientifically proven with science, that Ladybugs grow from shit, not ladies or bugs. Well, maybe if said lady or bug is covered with fecal monkey thrown matter, then they might grow ladybugs, otherwise, you are SOL, Shit-Ass-Out, up a crick without a paddle, or downright bent over backwards while being pounded in Federal Rape Me In The Ass Prison, surprisingly in the ass, by Bubbah, after you get caught jaggin off to kiddie porn. Well, actually, you thought you were downloading Girls Gone Wild, but instead got kiddie porn, and even though the download didn’t finish because you were downloading donkey shows and gay porn which was more important to you at the time, and you could have never viewed it, you still partially downloaded it and the FBI shows up at your door, taking you away, and sending you as fresh fish to Tiny, your 6’10” cellmate (why must you assume he’s black you racist POS?! haha, well he is… you were correct.) who has not had lovin’ in a long time and loves virgins. True story. Well, part of that story may have been made up, but the FBI part and jail really did happen, and I’m sure he found a whole bunch of new friends, because, as we all know, because we’ve all been to prison, kiddie molestor/porn watchers are the bottom of the barrel, or top, I guess, depending on how you want to look at it. Fucked up, isn’t it? Holy shit longest tangent ever, time out while I reread the bullshit I’m feeding you, spoonful by spoonful, unbeknownst to you, slowly turning you into my minions, all thinking just as I do, and one day taking over the world. Nah, never mind, I don’t want that responsibility, that was a dumb thought, do you want to rule the world? Even Hitler couldn’t do it, and there were WAYYYY less people in the world than there are now. Probably one of the greatest world leaders ever, up there with Saddam Hussein and that Cuban guy, what was his name…? Oh yea, Oswaldo Dorticós Torrado. Stupid people thinking I was going to put that other guy, uh, Fulgencio Batista Zaldívar, haha, jk, Fidel, but they were both pretty cool too, in their own way I guess. Nah, nevermind, they were losers, nobody has even heard of them, until I just googled them, well, more specifically “Cuban leaders.”
So, back to the point, even though I never actually have one, but hey, oh yea, I was going back to read WTF (mate) I was talking about, even though I think it took maybe half a second before I got side-tracked. Where were we, All right, all right, let's see. Uh, she was in the water, the Eel was coming after her. She was frightened. The Eel started to charge her. And then - (Princess Bride, anyone…?) Doesn’t matter, you suck either way, suck bag. That’s not true, you must not suck as much as a bag of suck because you’re cool enough at least to read my blog. Maybe you’re only a nickel-bag of suck. Time out again, time to drain the main valve. Time out on that time out, why do I keep timing out, for you have no idea that I’m pausing my literary genius putting onto paper, because each word is not timestamped. Haha, oh well, it’s more fun to throw that in there, because then it looks like I smarter because there are more words and such stuff of the sort. Ah, relief. Soooooooooooooo, 850 something words later, we finally might be getting to start scratching the surface of this post. The end of that sentence makes it 872. 880. Shit, this can go on forever, I had better stop it. 891. Haha, okay I’m done now, I promise. Eh, I’m done for the night, gotta wake up early kiddies, hopefully I can continue, sometime soon so I don’t forget my ideas. Well, never mind that, I’ll be gone on a magical voyage until Monday night, for Colorado and a beer rave await me. What is a beer rave you ask? Well, I’m not quite sure myself, but it involves beer, and raving. Doesn’t one usually rave when they are drunk? I sure as hell know I talk incoherently when I’ve been drinking. Ohhhhhhhhhh, yea, you’re probably right, it’s probably the glow-stick up your butt type of rave. Even better! Assuming they have lube, because otherwise, I don’t care how drunk I am, I will not allow my butt-hole to glow and bleed at the same time, I could get butt cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who would give me their butt. Butt transplant? Terrance and Phillip? South Park? Any of this doing anything for you? If not, you deserve butt cancer. Was it anal cancer, or was his butt just collapsing? Who knows, who cares… NIGHT!
Hello again!
And back to 950 words ago, not literally what is your name, but who are you? Why are you who you are? What things do you do that make you unique? Have you ever thought about any of these questions? Do any of these questions actually matter? They probably do, or have some relevance to where I am hoping to go, but probably will not considering how long it took me to get to the second sentence of the substance, the meat, the bread and butter of this post. (Bread and butter of this post? Haha, wtvr, it’ll work…) (just a little f-to-the-y-I for you, it might get a little serious for a minute, don’t be scared, it’s supposed to be, I think.) But, yea, no, seriously, it’s a fucked up time to be growing up. With college being a necessity any more, well, that whole delayed adolescence thing comes into play, and for me, it’s a little closer to home. My first cousins and my family included, it went in order through age, as to who would be getting married next. And well, as you guessed it, I fucked that one up. Big deal, I know! I won’t lie, I feel like I messed up, ruined the whole order of things, but, that’s why trends were made, to be broken. So that got me kinda thinkin’, you know, I mean, our parents probably met in high school or whatever, maybe one went to college right around the corner from home, and they stayed together forever. Now-a-days, couples break up going into college, because freshman year sucks when you are dating someone that doesn’t go to your school because you can’t have ANY fun. And then by the end, girls are all trying to settle down and hurry up to find someone to marry, because after you leave college, there really isn’t finding anybody else. Go to a bar and find some random slutty lookin loser and take them home to mom? No, there’s a reason why they are single and at a bar. Because they are either damaged goods or they’re crazy. And they know the only way guys will talk to them is if they are that drunk. Because if they weren’t crazy, they would already be married. (I’m the exception to that rule too, although I guess I don’t go out to bars looking for tramptastic women/girls/females. I gave up on that one after I got out of school. Well, even though I’m never going to technically graduate from anything, we can pretend.) Being that we have all this extra time to fuck off, catch STIs (no, not the Subaru, I wish you could catch those in the wild, the new name for STDs, because, they’re infections, not diseases.) , and sleep 20 hours out of the day due to the “vigorous schedule of college” we tend to lose ourselves and form new identities that aren’t really who we are. We figure out how much and how often we can drink, and do it every waking moment, because, imagine having an actual connection with someone other than genetalia touching? That would be insane; I don’t even know where that thought came from. People tend to lose the part of their brain that lets them have actual friendships with people not based on drinking because who cares why you like that person, as long as they will be there when you need a drink. And why do we form such a dependence upon such a terrible drug. Since we’re already napping 20 hours a day, why don’t we all just roll joints and sleep an extra hour. We have nothing better to do. Shit, most people don’t even show up to class if it isn’t required. So, for six years (yea, you’re quite an idiot and that’s how long it’s going to take you to graduate from a two year program) you’re “meeting” new people, having the time of your life, all the while completely throwing responsibility out the window. Who cares, if it takes me 6 years to finish what should take me 2, then 2 more years at a real school will take me at least 8, and by that point I’ll be 32, and I’ll wake up and be responsible. Well, yea, but then you have to go to the bar to find similar losers such as yourself who didn’t actually think ahead until it was too late. But, to be fair, even if you go right to a four year school, and graduate, sometimes there is a big work load, or way too big of a dude to chic ratio and you aren’t able to find anybody that you like more than just as a fuck buddy or whatever kids call it these days. And another thing that is fucked up about when we’re growing up is technology. Holy shit man, a computer named after a tampon, without a keyboard is coming out! What has the world come to?! Well, I’m not really too sure, but I’m going to buy one! Because the three laptops I own already are not enough, and, they all have keyboards anyway, lol. But seriously kiddies, the rate at which shit is “evolving,” how everyone has ADD and Apple is trying to fight this with shitty fuckin shit that only lets you do one thing at a time, except browse the web and talk on the phone, seriously, that is the one thing you are going to let people multi-task with… Something completely irrelevant to the Earth and God-himself, and completely useless, as I think I’ve ranted about in previous posts, is the one thing that they are going to let people multi-task with. Speakerphone and the Interwebs. Why don’t we just waste the battery even faster! Fuck, why even put a battery in, just plug it into a wall, and leave it there… It’ll be like a home phone, always having to be plugged in to be used, with a charging cord that is 50 feet long. And of course, this cord will be all curled like all home phones are, super awesomely sweetness. I want every cord I own to have a curly cord. I wish that my umbilical cord could actually be super curly, in the fashion of the home phone cords. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. No, I’m not Mr Conehead, and no, the thought of copper wrapped in plastic does not make me hungry either, it just makes me think of Arby’s curly fries. Delishiosityness to the maxxxxx!!!!! But not like when you go to a shitty one and they are wetter than a virgin on prom night. (does that even exist? Either one, or together. A virgin… Prom… ? Maybe somewhere in the south, possibly, or, uh, India… Does India even have high schools and proms? Do they still do that arranged marriage shit? Wikipedia is down, otherwise I’d let you know, but, since my most credible source of knowledge, well second, Snapple Caps do not cover such sensitive issues, for obvious reasons, I can’t let you in on the deal with that one. I’m pretty sure you have a better chance at seeing Bigfoot get eaten by the Loch Ness Monster while your plane is crashing into a meteor fragment because Bruce Willis did not blow up thoroughly and then your plane lands on the last unicorn in existence, that happened to be preggers. Way to go douche-fag. You just wiped out 3 species, and you were the only person to ever know they existed. And you didn’t take a picture, upload it to the Interwebs, and let everyone else know they exist. And now you’re dead. POWER THIRST! You should probably now take a time out to watch that video… it’s awesome... douche fag… ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs And while you’re @ it, you should prob watch the powerthirst 2 as well… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk&feature=related I’ll wait… Don’t worry, I have all day… Seriously, take your time… It’s cool.) They’re called fries for a reason, because they’re fried, not bathed in oil, so as to give your mouthal region 17th degree burns. Just thinking about it makes my mouth hurt. Or my frenulum. No, not that frenulum, sick-o, actually come to think of it, is that, eh, who cares? For all intensive purposes pertaining to this post, the frenulum will be defined as that thing on the roof of your mouth directly behind your two-front-teeth that gets decimated when you go all cannibalistic on a piping-hot-fresh-out-of-the-oven piece of 700 degree Celsius slab o’ bread cheese and tomato sauce. Just thinking about it brings back bad memories and flashbacks of ‘Nam. WTF? I wasn’t in Viet-fuckin’-nam, oh, nevermind, Forrest Gump was nice enough to bring me with him, so I guess I was.
Anywaysies, I think I’m finally getting on track! Hurray! (?) Partially because I’m sick and tired of writing and secondly because it’s been tooo long since I’ve graced the Interwebs with my literarical geniositynesstacity. The whole reason I started this post, I think, it’s been way too long ago since I have actually had time to come back to this, is because I got me to thinkin’ one day, which is usually trouble, also probably happened to be the day I started this post, which was God-knows-when, and all these people that are leaving college and looking for a job in the real world are all deleting and untagging themselves in all the photos where they are shown doing a keg stand or making out with some random in a bar (obviously, a skank. See above.) because employers these days have given themselves the power to look into these things to decide whether or not you are a good candidate for their employance. Who the fuck wants to join the real world, anyway, sounds stupid to me. I prefer the magical land called “Lives-with-parentsville.” Maybe that has something to do with why people don’t go out and get married. It costs too much to rent/own your own place, so you are stuck at home, and can’t have time to mold the schizo skankapotomous into a model citizen your mother would be proud of because you have to take her home right away. If only there were a school you could send them to to learn how to not be such a b-i-itch and send in your mothers criteria for being liked by the family. (note to self: look into brainwashing techniques for sluttasauruses) Because, as we all know, we all want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. Sheets rhymes, I know, but I don’t think it sounds as good, so fuck off wankah. But seriously though, what the fuck does how many beers I drink on a Mon-Sun night have anything to do with the way that I behave at work and perform for the company. And those hypocritical bastards are saying that they never did anything stupid in their time… pretty sure the invent of the digital camera would have been nice back then so I could have pictures of those fuckers being all wasted off of god knows what (sorry, didn’t wanna hyphen that one, or capitalize it either, take that one!) and when they ask to see my FB I’ll be like, set their picture as my default and then I’ll be VP in no time, assuming I probably delete the picture, forever. (note to self: look into time travel) (note to self: if you are going to look into time travel, just look at stock prices, buy them back then, sell them today, and not have to work) (note to self: you are a genius. I know… Am I now having a conversation with myself, through Micro-Soft wordage? It would seem to be true… ) But more seriously though, how is what I do on my free time any indication of how I work? Shit, if I party hard, I must have some sort of “Good work ethic” right? I mean, that probably means that I try my hardest at everything I do, and if it doesn’t, well, now it does. On a racist side note, why does everyone think that Asian drivers are the worst? They are quite bad at driving, but hey, out of the 4 billion of them, there are bound to be a few million bad ones. Lol. Seriously though, the worst drivers on the face of this fine planet I call America HAVE TO BE black women. Think about it. Have you ever been in a situation, walking in a mall or a place with a very tight, narrow walkway, and there happens to be a group of black people walking towards you? Well, if you have, you will know that THEY WILL NOT MOVE OUT OF THEIR PATH NO MATTER WHAT! And, if there are three of them, occupying a path that could in reality hold four or five people, they will make it so they are not near the edge on one side, but rather ¾ of a person away from the opposite side that you are on, and the one closest to you will not even turn their shoulders so you don’t have to go onto the soggy mud that is next to the path. I will kill all of them. They only know how to think about themselves, and I have had WAYYYYYYYYYYY too many experiences with black women merging, almost into me, into me had I not realized what they were doing, because they want to go where they want to go and they don’t care what is in their way, it is THEIR path. And they can’t even warn you with a blinker, no, you have to say hey, if I were that black lady driving that (insert luxury vehicle here, that they obviously use food stamps to pay for and can only afford for maybe the first week they own it) BMW luxury liner of a boat, would I merge directly into the car next to me because I don’t know how to use a blinker or mirrors, or turn my head to check if there is anyone next to me. That’s why they (don’t?) pay(at all actually) so much for insurance, it’s their problem. They want to go there and there is no stopping them. And once they do obviously run into you, somehow they will be black and say that it obvi wasn’t their fault, and you are just saying that because they are black. I fucking hate the race card. Like this morning, when I was halfway merged into a lane, and a negro bitch decided she didn’t like the left lane anymore. Why not? I’m not really sure, she didn’t exit for another 12 miles and the left lane was wide open. But, well, I guess it’s a good thing I check my mirrors and look as I’m switching lanes, or else black bitchface would have destroyed my pride and joy. No, not the one Stevie Ray Vaughan was singing about, but my Scion tC. Fuck black bitches, fuck black people, and fuck people in general for only being able to think about themselves, aka the reason for traffic in general. Yes, I have cured traffic (as if it were a pathogen) but it involves way too many people to not think about themselves. And that’s a story for a whole different day, with a different mood. That is a rant and a half post, all about stupidity and idioticallity.
Edit to post: Sitting in the library, trying to study, the two black females in the library apparently think they're whispering, but are definitely not. Black women are not good at driving or whispering.
Don’t lose yourself in a bottle. Strive to make yourself a better person today!
San Dimas High School Football Rules!
S(dot)cott M(eezy)iller
So, back to the point, even though I never actually have one, but hey, oh yea, I was going back to read WTF (mate) I was talking about, even though I think it took maybe half a second before I got side-tracked. Where were we, All right, all right, let's see. Uh, she was in the water, the Eel was coming after her. She was frightened. The Eel started to charge her. And then - (Princess Bride, anyone…?) Doesn’t matter, you suck either way, suck bag. That’s not true, you must not suck as much as a bag of suck because you’re cool enough at least to read my blog. Maybe you’re only a nickel-bag of suck. Time out again, time to drain the main valve. Time out on that time out, why do I keep timing out, for you have no idea that I’m pausing my literary genius putting onto paper, because each word is not timestamped. Haha, oh well, it’s more fun to throw that in there, because then it looks like I smarter because there are more words and such stuff of the sort. Ah, relief. Soooooooooooooo, 850 something words later, we finally might be getting to start scratching the surface of this post. The end of that sentence makes it 872. 880. Shit, this can go on forever, I had better stop it. 891. Haha, okay I’m done now, I promise. Eh, I’m done for the night, gotta wake up early kiddies, hopefully I can continue, sometime soon so I don’t forget my ideas. Well, never mind that, I’ll be gone on a magical voyage until Monday night, for Colorado and a beer rave await me. What is a beer rave you ask? Well, I’m not quite sure myself, but it involves beer, and raving. Doesn’t one usually rave when they are drunk? I sure as hell know I talk incoherently when I’ve been drinking. Ohhhhhhhhhh, yea, you’re probably right, it’s probably the glow-stick up your butt type of rave. Even better! Assuming they have lube, because otherwise, I don’t care how drunk I am, I will not allow my butt-hole to glow and bleed at the same time, I could get butt cancer, and I don’t know of anyone who would give me their butt. Butt transplant? Terrance and Phillip? South Park? Any of this doing anything for you? If not, you deserve butt cancer. Was it anal cancer, or was his butt just collapsing? Who knows, who cares… NIGHT!
Hello again!
And back to 950 words ago, not literally what is your name, but who are you? Why are you who you are? What things do you do that make you unique? Have you ever thought about any of these questions? Do any of these questions actually matter? They probably do, or have some relevance to where I am hoping to go, but probably will not considering how long it took me to get to the second sentence of the substance, the meat, the bread and butter of this post. (Bread and butter of this post? Haha, wtvr, it’ll work…) (just a little f-to-the-y-I for you, it might get a little serious for a minute, don’t be scared, it’s supposed to be, I think.) But, yea, no, seriously, it’s a fucked up time to be growing up. With college being a necessity any more, well, that whole delayed adolescence thing comes into play, and for me, it’s a little closer to home. My first cousins and my family included, it went in order through age, as to who would be getting married next. And well, as you guessed it, I fucked that one up. Big deal, I know! I won’t lie, I feel like I messed up, ruined the whole order of things, but, that’s why trends were made, to be broken. So that got me kinda thinkin’, you know, I mean, our parents probably met in high school or whatever, maybe one went to college right around the corner from home, and they stayed together forever. Now-a-days, couples break up going into college, because freshman year sucks when you are dating someone that doesn’t go to your school because you can’t have ANY fun. And then by the end, girls are all trying to settle down and hurry up to find someone to marry, because after you leave college, there really isn’t finding anybody else. Go to a bar and find some random slutty lookin loser and take them home to mom? No, there’s a reason why they are single and at a bar. Because they are either damaged goods or they’re crazy. And they know the only way guys will talk to them is if they are that drunk. Because if they weren’t crazy, they would already be married. (I’m the exception to that rule too, although I guess I don’t go out to bars looking for tramptastic women/girls/females. I gave up on that one after I got out of school. Well, even though I’m never going to technically graduate from anything, we can pretend.) Being that we have all this extra time to fuck off, catch STIs (no, not the Subaru, I wish you could catch those in the wild, the new name for STDs, because, they’re infections, not diseases.) , and sleep 20 hours out of the day due to the “vigorous schedule of college” we tend to lose ourselves and form new identities that aren’t really who we are. We figure out how much and how often we can drink, and do it every waking moment, because, imagine having an actual connection with someone other than genetalia touching? That would be insane; I don’t even know where that thought came from. People tend to lose the part of their brain that lets them have actual friendships with people not based on drinking because who cares why you like that person, as long as they will be there when you need a drink. And why do we form such a dependence upon such a terrible drug. Since we’re already napping 20 hours a day, why don’t we all just roll joints and sleep an extra hour. We have nothing better to do. Shit, most people don’t even show up to class if it isn’t required. So, for six years (yea, you’re quite an idiot and that’s how long it’s going to take you to graduate from a two year program) you’re “meeting” new people, having the time of your life, all the while completely throwing responsibility out the window. Who cares, if it takes me 6 years to finish what should take me 2, then 2 more years at a real school will take me at least 8, and by that point I’ll be 32, and I’ll wake up and be responsible. Well, yea, but then you have to go to the bar to find similar losers such as yourself who didn’t actually think ahead until it was too late. But, to be fair, even if you go right to a four year school, and graduate, sometimes there is a big work load, or way too big of a dude to chic ratio and you aren’t able to find anybody that you like more than just as a fuck buddy or whatever kids call it these days. And another thing that is fucked up about when we’re growing up is technology. Holy shit man, a computer named after a tampon, without a keyboard is coming out! What has the world come to?! Well, I’m not really too sure, but I’m going to buy one! Because the three laptops I own already are not enough, and, they all have keyboards anyway, lol. But seriously kiddies, the rate at which shit is “evolving,” how everyone has ADD and Apple is trying to fight this with shitty fuckin shit that only lets you do one thing at a time, except browse the web and talk on the phone, seriously, that is the one thing you are going to let people multi-task with… Something completely irrelevant to the Earth and God-himself, and completely useless, as I think I’ve ranted about in previous posts, is the one thing that they are going to let people multi-task with. Speakerphone and the Interwebs. Why don’t we just waste the battery even faster! Fuck, why even put a battery in, just plug it into a wall, and leave it there… It’ll be like a home phone, always having to be plugged in to be used, with a charging cord that is 50 feet long. And of course, this cord will be all curled like all home phones are, super awesomely sweetness. I want every cord I own to have a curly cord. I wish that my umbilical cord could actually be super curly, in the fashion of the home phone cords. Just thinking about it makes me hungry. No, I’m not Mr Conehead, and no, the thought of copper wrapped in plastic does not make me hungry either, it just makes me think of Arby’s curly fries. Delishiosityness to the maxxxxx!!!!! But not like when you go to a shitty one and they are wetter than a virgin on prom night. (does that even exist? Either one, or together. A virgin… Prom… ? Maybe somewhere in the south, possibly, or, uh, India… Does India even have high schools and proms? Do they still do that arranged marriage shit? Wikipedia is down, otherwise I’d let you know, but, since my most credible source of knowledge, well second, Snapple Caps do not cover such sensitive issues, for obvious reasons, I can’t let you in on the deal with that one. I’m pretty sure you have a better chance at seeing Bigfoot get eaten by the Loch Ness Monster while your plane is crashing into a meteor fragment because Bruce Willis did not blow up thoroughly and then your plane lands on the last unicorn in existence, that happened to be preggers. Way to go douche-fag. You just wiped out 3 species, and you were the only person to ever know they existed. And you didn’t take a picture, upload it to the Interwebs, and let everyone else know they exist. And now you’re dead. POWER THIRST! You should probably now take a time out to watch that video… it’s awesome... douche fag… ? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs And while you’re @ it, you should prob watch the powerthirst 2 as well… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-3qncy5Qfk&feature=related I’ll wait… Don’t worry, I have all day… Seriously, take your time… It’s cool.) They’re called fries for a reason, because they’re fried, not bathed in oil, so as to give your mouthal region 17th degree burns. Just thinking about it makes my mouth hurt. Or my frenulum. No, not that frenulum, sick-o, actually come to think of it, is that, eh, who cares? For all intensive purposes pertaining to this post, the frenulum will be defined as that thing on the roof of your mouth directly behind your two-front-teeth that gets decimated when you go all cannibalistic on a piping-hot-fresh-out-of-the-oven piece of 700 degree Celsius slab o’ bread cheese and tomato sauce. Just thinking about it brings back bad memories and flashbacks of ‘Nam. WTF? I wasn’t in Viet-fuckin’-nam, oh, nevermind, Forrest Gump was nice enough to bring me with him, so I guess I was.
Anywaysies, I think I’m finally getting on track! Hurray! (?) Partially because I’m sick and tired of writing and secondly because it’s been tooo long since I’ve graced the Interwebs with my literarical geniositynesstacity. The whole reason I started this post, I think, it’s been way too long ago since I have actually had time to come back to this, is because I got me to thinkin’ one day, which is usually trouble, also probably happened to be the day I started this post, which was God-knows-when, and all these people that are leaving college and looking for a job in the real world are all deleting and untagging themselves in all the photos where they are shown doing a keg stand or making out with some random in a bar (obviously, a skank. See above.) because employers these days have given themselves the power to look into these things to decide whether or not you are a good candidate for their employance. Who the fuck wants to join the real world, anyway, sounds stupid to me. I prefer the magical land called “Lives-with-parentsville.” Maybe that has something to do with why people don’t go out and get married. It costs too much to rent/own your own place, so you are stuck at home, and can’t have time to mold the schizo skankapotomous into a model citizen your mother would be proud of because you have to take her home right away. If only there were a school you could send them to to learn how to not be such a b-i-itch and send in your mothers criteria for being liked by the family. (note to self: look into brainwashing techniques for sluttasauruses) Because, as we all know, we all want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. Sheets rhymes, I know, but I don’t think it sounds as good, so fuck off wankah. But seriously though, what the fuck does how many beers I drink on a Mon-Sun night have anything to do with the way that I behave at work and perform for the company. And those hypocritical bastards are saying that they never did anything stupid in their time… pretty sure the invent of the digital camera would have been nice back then so I could have pictures of those fuckers being all wasted off of god knows what (sorry, didn’t wanna hyphen that one, or capitalize it either, take that one!) and when they ask to see my FB I’ll be like, set their picture as my default and then I’ll be VP in no time, assuming I probably delete the picture, forever. (note to self: look into time travel) (note to self: if you are going to look into time travel, just look at stock prices, buy them back then, sell them today, and not have to work) (note to self: you are a genius. I know… Am I now having a conversation with myself, through Micro-Soft wordage? It would seem to be true… ) But more seriously though, how is what I do on my free time any indication of how I work? Shit, if I party hard, I must have some sort of “Good work ethic” right? I mean, that probably means that I try my hardest at everything I do, and if it doesn’t, well, now it does. On a racist side note, why does everyone think that Asian drivers are the worst? They are quite bad at driving, but hey, out of the 4 billion of them, there are bound to be a few million bad ones. Lol. Seriously though, the worst drivers on the face of this fine planet I call America HAVE TO BE black women. Think about it. Have you ever been in a situation, walking in a mall or a place with a very tight, narrow walkway, and there happens to be a group of black people walking towards you? Well, if you have, you will know that THEY WILL NOT MOVE OUT OF THEIR PATH NO MATTER WHAT! And, if there are three of them, occupying a path that could in reality hold four or five people, they will make it so they are not near the edge on one side, but rather ¾ of a person away from the opposite side that you are on, and the one closest to you will not even turn their shoulders so you don’t have to go onto the soggy mud that is next to the path. I will kill all of them. They only know how to think about themselves, and I have had WAYYYYYYYYYYY too many experiences with black women merging, almost into me, into me had I not realized what they were doing, because they want to go where they want to go and they don’t care what is in their way, it is THEIR path. And they can’t even warn you with a blinker, no, you have to say hey, if I were that black lady driving that (insert luxury vehicle here, that they obviously use food stamps to pay for and can only afford for maybe the first week they own it) BMW luxury liner of a boat, would I merge directly into the car next to me because I don’t know how to use a blinker or mirrors, or turn my head to check if there is anyone next to me. That’s why they (don’t?) pay(at all actually) so much for insurance, it’s their problem. They want to go there and there is no stopping them. And once they do obviously run into you, somehow they will be black and say that it obvi wasn’t their fault, and you are just saying that because they are black. I fucking hate the race card. Like this morning, when I was halfway merged into a lane, and a negro bitch decided she didn’t like the left lane anymore. Why not? I’m not really sure, she didn’t exit for another 12 miles and the left lane was wide open. But, well, I guess it’s a good thing I check my mirrors and look as I’m switching lanes, or else black bitchface would have destroyed my pride and joy. No, not the one Stevie Ray Vaughan was singing about, but my Scion tC. Fuck black bitches, fuck black people, and fuck people in general for only being able to think about themselves, aka the reason for traffic in general. Yes, I have cured traffic (as if it were a pathogen) but it involves way too many people to not think about themselves. And that’s a story for a whole different day, with a different mood. That is a rant and a half post, all about stupidity and idioticallity.
Edit to post: Sitting in the library, trying to study, the two black females in the library apparently think they're whispering, but are definitely not. Black women are not good at driving or whispering.
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